Understanding metacommunication
Understanding metacommunication, an essential aspect of empathy is about hearing what our clients say and genuinely listening to them. It involves paying attention to both the verbal and nonverbal cues our clients give us and being able to interpret these to better assist them. The component of empathy is the ability to see the client’s private world as if it were your own, without ever losing the “as if” quality—our ability to accurately reflect the full metacommunication of our client’s unique experiences and feelings (Gibbons, S. 2011). The empathy skill is not just a tool but a cornerstone of the engagement phase in clinical practice. It is pivotal in fostering a therapeutic relationship and helping our clients feel understood, cared for, and supported. This understanding is crucial for our clients to open up and share their experiences, leading to more effective therapy. Active listening, a powerful demonstration of empathy, is critical to validating our clients’ experiences. By attentively hearing and reflecting on what our clients are expressing, we affirm the validity and importance of their feelings. This active engagement significantly enhances the therapeutic process, underscoring our crucial role in our clients’ journeys.
Provide an example of a fully empathic response to the following: “I feel so overwhelmed about how many needs my toddler has. He’s difficult in each day care event and with other kids. He is constantly tantrumming and I can’t seem to get him to calm down or listen to me.”
A toddler may have many needs, and sometimes, it can be not easy to calm them down or have them listen. You may feel overwhelmed by everything happening, which could seem demanding, but it’s okay to feel overwhelmed in time. If it’s alright with you, can you elaborate more on what is causing you to feel overwhelmed?
One morning, a client arrived crying at my office, explaining that she was stressed due to being in a shelter and not having a place to live. I was listening to her explaining that she feels that she has nothing positive going for her; she has no job, no home, and she is surrounded by other women who are going through a hard time like herself. After she disclosed her feelings, I observed her frustration and noticed she needed someone to talk to and tell her everything would be okay. As her therapist, I reassured her that living in a shelter could be very stressful and that we have a team to support her. I explained it could take time to get approved for housing, but here in the shelter, we have an employment specialist and activity that she could take advantage of while she waits for her approval. I asked if she would consider working to schedule an appointment to meet with the employment specialist to help her get a job. She explains that she would be pleased if she started to work because that would allow her to have more dependency and not spend so much time in the shelter. I explained that I would set the appointment, and I could see she was very motivated about working; I also asked her if she wanted me to provide a list of free-cost events around the city and events held in the shelter to socialize with other people while she waits for her approval. She was so excited and told me to give that list to her. She disclosed that I needed to have fun and avoid these four walls. I provided that list of the events and also provided her with an appointment follow-up for the employment specialist. She came out of the office with a big smile and thanked me for helping her.
One afternoon, a client came to the office door screaming at her caseworker, telling her that she was helpless and didn’t want her to be her caseworker anymore. I tried to talk to her and have her calm down by asking her to please come to my office or if we could take a walk to speak about the issue she was facing. She was so angry and frustrated that she told me she didn’t want my help or anyone in the office because we all didn’t care and were helpless. The client was distraught and not rational about the help others like myself were trying to provide.
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