The definition of intimacy within relationships could be described as feelings of closeness, safety as well as being emotionally supported and connected

respond to two of your peers’ posts:

1. The definition of intimacy within relationships could be described as feelings of closeness, safety as well as being emotionally supported and connected. Due to technological advancements or the “digital revolution” within our society, relationship intimacy can now be attained in atypical spaces through our cellular devices. In contemporary times, dating applications are one of the many forms of atypical spaces of intimacy in which reveals the complexities of intimacy. These dating apps “increasingly allowing people to meet and form relationships with people with whom they have no previous social ties.” (Hobbs 272) Complexities of intimacy within these kinds of applications include romance being based on initial physical attraction through portraits chosen by the application users, the ability to choose who to respond to, and the higher possibilities of romantic partners in the comfort of one’s home (or wherever they may be). With the first complexity that I stated being that within dating apps potential romantic relationships are heavily based on initial physical attraction through one’s profile which is heavily based on selfies and portraits of a person. This is a complexity due to the fact that one can think someone is attractive on the dating app, but if that person does not feel the same way then inevitably, they will not match. For example, on Tinder, “with mutual right swipes resulting in a ‘match’ and the ability to begin a conversation.” (Hobbs 272) This reveals the complexity of rejection due to one’s looks and not attaining a right swipe back from someone they swiped right on. This is complicated because in order to get to know someone you want to get to know within this dating app, they must swipe right on you back and if not, you lose all your chances on conversing with them. Whereas, within a real-life scenario (i.e. walking in the city and seeing someone you’re attracted to) you can use your initial attraction on an individual and walk up to them and have a higher chance of conversing with them instead of having to wait to see if the two of you are a ‘match’ on the app. Which then leads to another complexity- the freedom of choosing who to talk to and maybe even how many you choose to talk to on these apps. With this freedom, polyamory comes into play. “Poly-interested people are connected via various networking sites, email lists and newsgroups.” (Kleese 9) Dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc. make it much easier to be in polyamorous relationships as well. While living with 3 other girls, one of them being on these dating apps the most, I was able to see through her that there are a lot of people who don’t really use these apps for long term, monogamous relationships. My housemate as well as the guys she would talk to on these apps would be on the same page about being open to talking to other people intimately aside from each other. “[…] sociologists like Giddens see romantic love on the decline […]” (Kleese 12) I have noticed that with hookup culture being very popular among my peers, it makes me realize that [yes] maybe romantic love is on a decline. Not only is romantic love on a decline, but I also think due to the fact that through dating apps it is much easier to interact with people in the comfort of one’s own home, this also declines face-to-face social interaction. A lot of people can find it much easier and less frightening to talk to an individual through these apps because they do not have the pressure to respond right away [or at all]. While being in a romantic, monogamous relationship for years now, I am able to see this decline within romantic love and social interactions face-to-face occur especially through those who use these atypical spaces of intimacy.

2.

The reading, Intimacy: A Special Issue by Lauren Berlant, points out how we have been living in a world that is very limited to the interpretations of what makes up a good life. Berlant states, “Rethinking intimacy calls out not only for redescription but for transformative analyses of the rhetorical and material conditions that enable hegemonic fantasies to thrive in the minds and on the bodies of subjects while, at the same time, attachments are developing that might redirect the different routes taken by history and biography. To rethink intimacy is to appraise how we have been and how we live and how we might imagine lives that make more sense than the ones so many are living.” (286), which is so significant because it acknowledges the importance of difference and how having these polarities opens the doors to many more experiences and identities. One of the ways these intimacy visions are being challenged is with the background history on how marriage and its reasons for why they were so forced and normalized was partly as a way to continue white male supremacy. It was dominating over women by succumbing them to being housewives with no way to make any income. Marriage has also been used as a way to continue the spread of ethnic cleansing. Having newfound information makes many question many more of the outside beliefs that are being proclaimed as the right way to go on about life.

The “atypical” spaces of intimacy reveal how there are a variety of ways in which people bond and create intimacy with others. What it goes to show is that there is not a correct way in which intimacy should be like. For example, dating apps are at their peak right now, with many individuals trying to find love. This is seen as unconventional by many because of the novelty of meeting strangers based on their photos. Also in the reading, Liquid Love? Dating apps, sex, relationships and the digital tranformation of intmiacy by Mitchell Hobbs, Stephen Owen and Livia Gerber argue that, “Dating is being transformed into a recreational activity, where people are seen as largely disposable as one can always ‘press delete’ (Bauman, 2003: 65). These themes are present in the more recent work of Sherry Turkle (2011), who, in Alone Together, argues that ‘these days insecure in our relationship and anxious about intimacy, we look to technology for ways to be in relationships and to protect us from them at the same time’” (274). Although this is making dating apps seem like the perfect place to create more problems, it should be seen in a different way. This is an example on how it might work for some and not for others. From personal experiences, some of my friends have told me that they enjoy using it as a way to connect with people who they would have probably never met if it was not for it and that even if it does not become anything serious they still feel like they are gaining something, while others have actually found a significant other with the apps.

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