Snakes and Ladders
i need to write a personal essay. it is worth 15 percent of my class. i struggle with organization in my writing as well as I do not know how to do mla or apl
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Snakes and Ladders
Let me tell of the darkness that feeds on me tothis day. Sly and unpredictable, my brain is intrusive of thoughts that I cantcapture at the moment, yet creates a home that my emotions dwell in. Thecommunity of snakes we call neurons began mapping their way in my innocentlittle brain creating memories and filing them in my subconscious. How is it thatin my toddler years life and its gifts shaped my emotional intelligence,breaking me apart well into my adulthood? Come with me to the time I was unitedwith the world, in a time where the Soviet Union collapsed, in a period wheremy trust died with my mother, and my soul abandoning me in my Orphanage years.I climbed a ladder only to end without an end and reversed backward on theboard game of life.
I was united with theworld during the soviet union collapse. “As theSoviet Union moved toward , the orphanpopulation began to rise once more. In 1988, 48,000 children were classified ashomeless; in 1991, this number climbed to 59,000. I would dream of the love I received from mymother, for I’m more normal than what I should have been, only falling intohalf of the sad statistics of orphan life. My mother died when I was three yearsold; unfortunately, my mind captured her gruesome loss and recorded her paineven though I couldn’t understand she was gone forever. Someone dropped me offat an orphanage. Thephysiological effects of institutional life on the developing brain amount, hesaid, to “artificial retardation.”
No one looked back, and no one came. I’d like to think Ihad no family that was alive to have loved us beyond my mother. She must haveloved us, for we only ended up orphaned because of her tragedy. I was in 3orphanages. My memories are intertwined, so I can’t recall what memories arefrom which home, but I remember vividly; I suppose that’s what matters.
I remember the cold, all of us making music with the chatteringof our teeth under a thin blanket. It’s incredible the sneaky little brain, howadaptable it is when we require survival. We would huddle amongst one anotherand urinate for warmth; it wasn’t well thought through because we would be evencolder after. We never learned, though, instant heat was what we wanted; herein the west its instant gratification. Interesting how humanity differs fromcountry and situation. Once we urinated, anger met us from the faces of staffmembers. Sometimes the staff would strike us for it; does it matter theobjects? At times sticks or shoes, but the favorite was the metal of a buckleor the belt’s strap. It stopped hurting eventually. Our minds made our skinrubber, and evaporating emotions and existence of feel. Human Rights Watch hasfound that from the moment the state assumes their care, orphans in Russiaofwhom 95 percent still have a living parentare exposed to shocking levels ofcruelty and neglect. We were strong.
Topic 3: I rememberthis woman, perhaps it’s not reliable in my memory, but I used to call her the”piano woman,” she was the only one who was kind to me. I remembersitting on her lap and asking her to take me home with her, and she always toldme one day. The staff there were unloving, mostly cruel and neglectful. Ididn’t know what touch of love was, which later affected me once I was adoptedand my inability to bond with my new mother and father. I remember lining up totake our food. There was a soup that I could barely stomach down. Fish soup- ithad all the bones in it, and the taste was just awful. One of those foods thatif you forced yourself to eat it was most indefinite of coming up again.Anyways, many times I just wasn’t able to do it, and the staff would comebehind me and put my face into the soup teach me a lesson. I hate fish soup. Idon’t know why we were so unloved; perhaps the staff was underpaid, overworked,and resentful. They couldn’t have been awful human beings because there wasstaff to look after us at the end of the day, and regardless of a stone heart,there was softness within it, perhaps for lost souls grouped up in a coldbuilding with cold pasts and cold futures. The “normal” abandonedchildrenthose whom the state evaluates as intellectually capable offunctioning on a higher levelare subjected to cruel, inhuman, and degradingtreatment by institution staff. I suppose this statement contradicts myprevious thoughts on the staff, but perhaps there was even a hope that the kidswould fail so that the staff themselves would feel worthy. After all, researchshows the degrading effects of the brain with neglect and abuse at such a youngage. It would be awful that a broken brain and lack of emotional intelligencecould prevail beyond them; it would just mean that the intellect may be greaterthan theirs.
End: Although my past haunts me in ways I don’t even recognizetoday, shaping the way I feel and think towards life and humanity within it somuch, so I even question my existence and its purpose. There is moresignificant pain in my coming to Canada. Unfortunately, the psychologicalcircle of statistics and education has planted me in a division where I cannotfight against the ones who have hurt me today as my past labels me from thosewho are educated in the study of behavior and reason. Let me tell you one dayof the story with my new family and my new life. You will confuse as to wherethe pain came from and what truly shaped my broken self. But this story is foranother day and another piece of writing that most likely will never be sharedor even understood the way I wish it were to be. I have done a lot ofpatchwork, and the person I am today is a beautifully hand-crafted quilt thatsomeone throws beside a couch only to pull out on a rainy day as a last resortif all other blankets aren’t to be found.
This is my rough draft of a personal essay. I don’t know how to organize it.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphans_in_the_Soviet_Unionby wikipedia
As the Soviet Union moved toward its collapse, the orphan population began to rise once more. In 1988,48,000 children were classified as homeless; in 1991, this number climbed to59,000.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/russias-orphans-government-takes-custody-of-children-when-parents-cant-cope/2013/05/02/4d17ff4a-a757-11e2-a8e2-5b98cb59187f_story.htmlby will englund march 4 2003
The physiological effects of institutional lifeon the developing brain amount, he said, to artificial retardation.
https://www.hrw.org/legacy/reports98/russia2/Russ98d-02.htm- IndependentAssociation of Child Psychiatrists and Psychologists, Moscow, February 12, 1998
HumanRights Watch has found that from the moment the state assumes their care,orphans in Russiaof whom 95 percent still have a living parentare exposed toshocking levels of cruelty and neglect.
Thenormal abandoned childrenthose whom the state evaluates as intellectuallycapable of functioning on a higher levelare subjected to cruel, inhuman anddegrading treatment by institution staf
tese are my sources.
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