Depending on the family structure, parenting style, and cultural background of the families you are working with, you will likely encounter man

Discipline and Guidance

Learning Objectives

After reading this chapter, you should be able to:

▸▸ Explore a variety of issues involved with discipline, guidance, and the development of emotional regulation in young children.

▸▸ Explain why young children struggle to behave appropriately.

▸▸ Discuss adult expectations of young children.

▸▸ Recognize a variety of approaches to the guidance and discipline of young children, including the use of positive reinforcement, punishment, and modeling.

▸▸ Identify ways the early care and education program can work with families concerning issues of discipline, guidance, and emotional regulation.

▸▸ Explain the theory of moral reasoning and its influence on the development of young children's moral behavior.

▸▸ Describe how the unique characteristics of exceptional students pose discipline and guidance challenges both for parents and for early care and education programs.

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Introduction Chapter 7

Introduction Erikson’s stage theory focuses on resolving children’s developmental needs and motivations with social and cultural expectations (Erikson, 1963, 1981). As children progress through distinct developmental stages, they must learn how to resolve their internal motivations and desires with societal expectations. Adults involved in the lives of young children—parents, teachers, volunteers, coaches, caregivers, friends, grandparents—spend considerable time and energy trying to help children develop prosocial behaviors. These attempts often involve various approaches to discipline and guidance.

Looking at the development of young children through an ecological perspective allows us to see how various institutions and agencies within Bronfenbrenner’s microsystems directly affect the development and learning of young children. Adults in all of these programs and venues struggle with issues of discipline and guidance, as do the parents of young children.

Adults caring for young children in a variety of settings must address discipline and guidance issues, and they often have very different views of appropriate ways to guide and discipline young children. This conflict is often most evident when families and early care and education program staff disagree on the best ways to guide the development, learning, and behavior of young children. Parents, teachers, and caregivers want children to be safe and secure and to learn socially and culturally appropriate behaviors.

Exceptional children add an additional level of challenge for families and teachers in early care and education programs. Exceptional learners include children with developmental delays, gifted and talented children, and twice exceptional children. Sometimes approaches to disci- pline and guidance that work with other children do not work well with these children; also, because exceptional children have unique physical, emotional, social, and cognitive needs, they often frustrate both parents and the staff of early care and education programs. And, as previously noted, young boys in particular struggle to exhibit appropriate and acceptable behavior at home and in early care and education programs (Whiting & Edwards, 1988b; Skelton, 2001). To best provide the structures, information, and support families and early care and education programs need to help children develop important social behaviors, a variety of community agencies and programs must work together. The more difficult the task of guidance and discipline (for example, a young boy with learning disabilities and severe behavioral problems), the more these programs need to work together effectively, in a truly ecological spirit (Bronfenbrenner & Ceci, 1994).

This chapter begins by examining what we mean by discipline and guidance, discusses a vari- ety of approaches commonly used to discipline and guide children in the home and program, and then addresses potential conflicts between programs and families around this impor- tant issue. Teachers and caregivers in early care and education programs struggle with two critically important issues around guidance and discipline: (1) cultural differences that families bring to the program regarding discipline, including expectations and behaviors that differ from those of the teachers and the program; and (2) finding effective and mutually accept- able ways to resolve conflicts around discipline between the program and the home. We then explore theories of moral development and how they can help us understand the behavior of young children; finally, we explore how children with developmental delays, gifted and tal- ented children, and twice exceptional children affect approaches to discipline and guidance.

Guidance, Discipline, and Emotional Regulation Chapter 7

7.1 Guidance, Discipline, and Emotional Regulation Many early childhood texts attempt to differentiate between discipline and guidance. Others view both terms as interchangeable. The true goal of any discipline and guidance approach is to enable children to develop self-regulation, thus being able to control and direct their own behaviors in a prosocial manner. Here we define discipline/guidance as attempts by adults to guide children into learning and internalizing socially appropriate rules and behaviors. This is a developmental task that cannot be achieved overnight. The central tension in providing discipline/guidance for young children is to address the conflicts between what a child wants and desires to do, and the way the adult world expects young children to behave. Again, the desire is to help young children progress from impulsive, immature behavior to self-control and self-regulation of their behavior.

Brain Development

Throughout this text, we have discussed the development of the brain in young children. Based on revolutionary research methods, a great deal of information about brain develop- ment has been collected. Some of this information includes the following (Schiller, 2010):

• After birth, brain development occurs through the creation of billions of neural con- nections, based on important experiences during the first years of life

• Brain development is a complex interaction between genes and individual experiences

• Early experiences (the first five years) have a profound impact on the development of the brain and on our cognitive capacities as adults

• Early human interaction (the first five years) provides the context for both development and learning and directly determines how the brain is wired

• Brain development is not linear; there are optimal times to learn certain skills and knowledge, such as language

• The brain of a 3-year-old is two and a half times as active as an adult’s brain

• Brain development is very susceptible to emotions (positive and negative) and stress. These emotions produce chemicals in the brain that enhance and delay brain development.

The prefrontal cortex is the front part of the brain that controls executive functions such as judgment, impulse control planning, and emotional regulation. The prefrontal cortex con- tinues to develop through adolescence (Society for Neuroscience, 2007), and some research suggests that the prefrontal cortex develops at a slower rate in boys than in girls (Linroot et al., 2007; Sax, 2007).

Achieving Self-Control and Self-Regulation

Three overlapping developmental tasks combine to help children achieve self-control and self-regulation: brain development (executive function), effortful control skills, and emotional regulation. Efforts by adults to assist children in learning appropriate skills need to focus on developing these three dispositions in children. Adults need to base behavioral expectations on the maturation of the brain and each child’s experiences.

Guidance, Discipline, and Emotional Regulation Chapter 7

Executive Functioning

Children’s emotional, social, and cognitive activities are all directed by the prefrontal cortex of the brain. However, in the preschool age the prefrontal cortex is still quite immature, which accounts for some of the struggles and limitations young children demonstrate with problem solving and social behavior (Tomlinson & Hyson, 2009).

During the infant and preschool years, the brain is making billions of connections. The nature of these connections depends on the child’s experiences, interactions, and emotions (Schiller, 2010). Brain development through play, exploring nature, interacting with peers, and develop- ing important emotional relationships with significant adults increases a child’s brain capacity for attention, learning, memory, and reasoning. Multisensory experiences, along with learning how to learn and learning to enjoy learning, further increase preschool children’s ability to control their thinking, emotions, and behavior (Tomlinson & Hyson, 2009).

Preschool children also have little experience with the world, so they have not learned what to pay attention to, how best to remember important information, and various ways to regulate their behavior. As children progress through preschool and kindergarten, they improve in all these and other important areas. However, temperament (as we have discussed) and devel- opmental delays, especially in the area of emotional development, can have an impact on this progress (Rothbart, Sheese, & Posner, 2007).

Effortful Control Skills

It does little good for children to know the appropriate behaviors they should display if they cannot control them. Effortful control is the ability of a child to regulate his or her impulses to respond to a developing conscience (Rothbart, Sheese, & Posner, 2007). These are tech- niques and skills that children use to delay temptation and to inhibit immediate impulses (Eigsti et al., 2006), which grow as a result of brain development and experience. Only then can children of elementary age pay more attention to what they are doing and delay grati- fication. Children are motivated to delay gratification because they have learned that, by delaying now, they can get more of what they want in the future. Adults can help children see how delaying immediate gratification can lead to bigger rewards later on. The ability to self-regulate also enables children to exhibit more prosocial behavior, as they can control their initial impulses and enjoy playing with peers.

Effortful control develops throughout the preschool years, and thus children this age struggle to delay gratification and engage in prosocial behaviors. Preschool-age children observe how older peers and adults regulate their emotions and behaviors, and they begin to imitate them. Young children also engage in self-talk, such as when trying to do a puzzle. Instead of becoming frustrated, they say something to themselves like: “No, it won’t fit; try turning it until it fits.” Brain maturation, brain-based learning, and lots of rich and positive experiences all help children develop effortful control (Rothbart, Sheese, & Posner, 2007). For example, a child at age 2 might throw a tantrum when frustrated because he cannot get what he wants. At age 5, however, he has learned to ask for something he is more likely to get (experience), use appropriate words so the adult knows exactly what he desires (brain-based learning), and moderate his response if it is not satisfied (brain maturation).

Emotional Regulation

The development of both cognitive and social-emotional processes is called emotional regu- lation (Blair, 2002). Emotional regulation is the culmination of brain maturation and effortful

Guidance, Discipline, and Emotional Regulation Chapter 7

control; it involves the child’s ability to mediate his or her immediate impulses—those driven by emotional responses to the environment—to engage in more socially acceptable behaviors (Harter, 2006a). Emotional regulation is directly related to overall emotional development and emotional intelligence or “EQ” (Goleman, 1995).

To aid in emotional regulation, children must first participate in behaviors guided by others (Wertsch, 1979). Children are aware of rules and when others break those rules, and they get confused when adults do not consistently model the expressed behavioral expectations. Children understand when certain expected behaviors are reinforced through rewards and punishments (Bodrova & Leong, 2009). The goal is to help children learn how to internal- ize these rules and social expectations. A truly self-regulated child is one capable of internal behavior, who can think, process, and then act. Emotional regulation improves emotional responses and social behaviors, along with attention, memory, and cognitive processing skills (Rothbart, Sheese, & Posner, 2007), and it is directly influenced by the caregiver’s approach to the discipline and guidance of young children.

Why Young Children Struggle to Behave Appropriately

Because preschool-age children are developing emotional regulation, they struggle with their ability to conform to the rules and expectations of adult society. Further, young children are learning about the rules and regulations of a society, adult expectations, and how to resolve innermost desires with external limitations. In doing so, they often appear to be purposely misbehaving, but in fact they are most likely confused or simply incapable of doing what the adult expects.

One reason a child might misbehave is that the child does not understand the adult’s expecta- tions. This may be due to a limited language abil- ity, rules and expectations being poorly explained or inconsistently reinforced, or because the child receives mixed messages from different people in authority. Another possible reason for a child’s inappropriate behavior is that the expectations are not developmentally appropriate. The young child may be behaviorally, cognitively, or emo- tionally incapable of engaging in the expected behavior. For example, a child might be incapa- ble of controlling impulsive behaviors and unable to fully understand the reason or purpose behind an expectation.

Because of their immature executive functioning, children are not always able to focus on impor- tant things in the environment while ignoring other stimuli. For example, a novel toy or another child wanting to play will distract the child. Sometimes children are aware that certain behaviors are inappropriate, but they simply do not know what the appropriate alternative behavior is. Further, children need adult acceptance and want to please others; sometimes a child will engage in certain behaviors that conflict with adult expectations because he or she has observed that other children who break the rules and ignore adult requests receive reinforcement (rewards), while he or she is ignored.

© Jupiterimages, Creatas Images/Thinkstock

▲ Children test limits because it gives them a sense of power and importance, though sometimes they are simply interested in seeing how adults will react to their behavior.

Adult Expectations of Young Children Chapter 7

Alternatively, some children do not see the reason to act in a certain way. As we have sug- gested, children’s brain development and problem-solving abilities are still developing at this age, so they often do not understand the reasons why they are expected to engage in certain behaviors or follow certain rules.

Finally, children like to test all sorts of limits, including adult authority, to determine just how concrete and consistent they are. This is not always devious or oppositional behavior; this is how they learn about the physical and social environment. Some children are also very inter- ested in their impact on the environment: It gives them a sense of power and importance. Sometimes they just want to see how an adult will react to certain behaviors. In the simplest sense, young children do not necessarily know how the physical and social world works: They do not know the laws of physics or behavior. They lack experience, and their emotional regu- lation is not fully developed. Thus, in many cases they do not know how to act appropriately.

7.2 Adult Expectations of Young Children There are many reasons adults need young children to behave in certain ways. Some of these reasons are purely practical—it is unsafe allow a child to run out into a busy street, or to pull a pot of boiling water off the stove. Other reasons are more developmentally focused. For example, certain behaviors help young children learn to interact appropriately with peers and adults so they can function effectively with others. Adults—particularly parents—are considered socializing agents in society. This means a central task of parenting is to teach young children the values, mores, behaviors, and expectations of a society and a culture (Hall, 1976).

Health and Safety

Health and safety are central concerns for any adult caring for young children. An underly- ing purpose of state and local child care and school regulations is health and safety. Poisons, choking hazards, strangulation, burns from hot water, traffic accidents, kidnapping, child abuse, and head entrapments are just a few of the safety issues that concern parents and caregivers of young children. Often, children do not see these as health and safety concerns, and it is quite difficult to expect children to engage in discipline that does not make sense to them (for example, most children probably do not understand that running while eat- ing is extremely dangerous because it can cause them to choke). Some of these health and safety issues are addressed through laws, policies, and rules: playground safety, childhood immunizations, fire exits and plans, car seats, and child proofing (at home and in the center) (Martin, 2011). However, many issues must also be addressed through direct guidance and discipline. Adults must ensure that children use a car seat correctly, that playground rules are followed, and that fire drills are practiced. To these ends, there are different approaches to coaching children. One approach is to help children become engaged in safe activities. For example, diaper changing tables now include steps to empower children to climb up to the table themselves, and some parents provide steps to help their children get into their car seats unassisted. Lickona reports that when he tried to get his son to hold his right hand to cross the street, his son protested. When he changed strategies and said, “Pick the hand you want,” his son willingly took his hand and crossed the street (Lickona, 1983). Providing young children with a sense of empowerment and an acceptable safe choice both protects the child and fosters responsibility.

Adult Expectations of Young Children Chapter 7

Learning

A central focus of any early care and education program is learning. Learning usually involves a curriculum, specific curriculum materials, a daily schedule, and goals and objectives for each child to achieve. It might also include special programs for children with various developmen- tal delays. Adults in the classroom use discipline and guidance to implement the curriculum effectively and teach the children. However, sometimes we lose sight of what children need to learn in the most effective way and end up implementing teaching activities that seem designed either to do what we have always done or meet adult needs, rather than to engage in best practices for how children learn.

As Loomis and Wagner (2005) suggest, sometimes what teachers do during the day is designed to meet the needs of adults. For example, circle time is often used to manage a whole group of children and to keep them safe while another teacher prepares a new activity or does important paperwork (DeVries & Zan, 1994); many programs have rather inflexible schedules because this makes it easier to fulfill curricula requirements and structure the teachers’ day. However, while circle time and predictable daily schedules often work well for some children, they may not be effective with others. Some children are not developmentally ready to sit still and listen at circle time; constant transitions from one activity to another necessitated by a rigid daily schedule are extremely difficult for some children and cause a variety of behavioral problems (this is particularly true of children with certain developmental delays). Thus, it is imperative that teachers and caregivers continually evaluate expectations, and the use of guidance and discipline to meet those expectations, to make sure they match the learning needs of each child.

It is clear that the overall curricular expectations, as well as how we structure the day, develop learning activities, and implement the curriculum in the early childhood program, can cause challenging behaviors in some children. Ways to reduce potential discipline problems include matching learn- ing activities and expectations with how children learn, and being sensitive to individual learning styles, temperaments, and pace of learning (Loomis and Wagner, 2005). The more these considerations are built into the program, the less need there will be for discipline. However, children with developmental delays may still require different expecta- tions and activities, and boys may need more physical activ- ities than girls. The solution is to be flexible, differentiate the curriculum, and be continually cognizant of the needs of each student.

In today’s culture of accountability, early childhood content standards, and kindergarten entry requirements, it is some- times easy to forget that learning is a natural process that best flourishes under scaffolding, guidance, and modeling, as well as in rich and challenging environments. Teachers and parents who understand developmentally appropriate ways of learning and teaching, and know the child’s unique learning styles, personality, and disposi- tions, will spend less time and energy trying to discipline the child in learning activities at home and in the community. Child-directed approaches to learning and play (see Chapter 4)

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▲ Concepts such as sharing, cleaning up, and playing safely require guidance from the caregiver as well as an explanation of the importance of these rules.

Adult Expectations of Young Children Chapter 7

still require some adult discipline and guidelines, especially in relation to sharing with other students, caring for and returning materials, using tools and materials (e.g., scissors or paints) appropriately, or playing safely on the playground. This is where teachers and parents need to focus on helping their children see the reasons for these rules and providing appropriate adult guidance.

There are a variety of ways to reduce the amount of unnecessary guidance and discipline in the early care and education program. One way to do this is to make sure activities are devel- opmentally appropriate for all students. This can be achieved by providing differentiation in activities and expectations, both for children who struggle (academically, behaviorally, and socially) and for gifted and talented children (see the discussion on gifted and talented chil- dren and twice exceptional children later in this chapter). A differentiated approach is one where the expectations, activities, tasks, and outcomes are changed by the teacher, depend- ing on the child’s abilities, learning styles, and overall development.

The curriculum and activities should be continually revised, based on the unique learning needs of all the children, which involves observing children’s learning styles, social interac- tions, and comfort with each activity. Carefully assess children who struggle socially, academi- cally, and behaviorally for possible special needs services, and provide screening and further testing for those who need it (Powers & Burton, 2003). Provide ongoing training for teachers on the most effective and developmentally appropriate ways to engage and teach children. Overly restrictive and rigid daily schedules should be adapted and revised, especially if children are having problems with transitions (Loomis & Wagner, 2005), and indoor and outdoor envi- ronments need to be evaluated for potential safety hazards, lack of interesting and challeng- ing opportunities, and elements that can cause discipline problems as a result of their design (Jones & Reynolds, 1997).

Social and Cultural Expectations

Another function of discipline and guidance is to socialize young children in the rules, mores, traditions, and expectations of society and culture. Discipline and guidance are used by teach- ers and caregivers to teach the expected behaviors of the early care and education program; discipline and guidance are also used by parents and other caregivers to teach their children the expected behaviors of their culture and community.

Families who use relatives for child care generally have consistency of expectations regarding their children’s behavior and guidance and discipline approaches used with their children. Research also suggests that one of the main criteria parents use to select family-based care is the culture of the provider. For example, religious early care and education programs tend to be embedded within the cultural expectations of the religion they are associated with, because religion and values are very closely aligned (Gonzalez-Mena, 2008). Other programs also have a central focus or unique orientation, due to their financing, sponsorship, or loca- tion; for instance, Head Start serves low-income families due to federal requirements (U.S. HHS, 2006). There are programs dedicated to children with specific disabilities (e.g., autism) and programs in racially, ethnically, and economically segregated communities. When the family and the early care and education program have the same approach to discipline, the same behavioral expectations, and similar approaches to teaching, children do not become confused, are more secure, and know what is expected. Parents are also more comfortable

Adult Expectations of Young Children Chapter 7

when they know that the approaches used at their home and in the center are the same. And, when conflicts arise, parents and program staff will be on the same page regarding discipline and behavioral expectations.

However, many early care and education programs are becoming more diverse racially, ethnically, culturally, religiously, linguistically, and economically. Some of this diversity is influenced by external factors such as licensing regulations, school district policies, and Head Start Performance Standards (U.S. HHS, 1999). One area where conflict between the family and program can arise is regarding adult authority and children’s obedience. In some cultures, adults expect children to adhere to their demands and community norms without reasoning and negotiating, while adults from other cultures use reasoning, model- ing, and examples to try to influence a child’s behavior (see Section 7.3: Approaches to the Guidance and Discipline of Young Children) (Baumrind, 1971; Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010; Wright, 1998).

Adult Convenience and Practicality

Young children tend to be messy, disorga- nized, and into everything. They tend to misuse materials and objects, break things, challenge health and safety rules, and, once they can crawl and walk, be always on the go. It is critical to emphasize that none of these behaviors is used by children to upset parents intentionally (despite what some parents believe) (Kostelnik et al., 2009). However, parents, caregivers, teachers, and others caring for young children need to find ways to address these and other behav- iors for their own sanity and practicality, and for the purpose of the ultimate goal of fostering children’s independence and self- regulation. One way to do this is for adults to remember what it was like to be a child and how they behaved as young children. Programs can provide parent training, newsletters, lending libraries, access to articles by experts, webpage messages (for programs with an Internet presence), and individual discus- sions with parents that address ways parents and other caregivers can find a compromise between what is naturally part of being a child and the needs of adults for order, cleanliness, and consistency.

Some caregivers, including parents, go overboard with convenience and practicality. The TV and other technologies are used as primary caregivers because they eliminate the mess that young children naturally make when they play and explore, as well as some of the adult frustrations or responsibilities that go along with those activities (see Spotlight: The Order in Mess). While adults need to find practical ways to limit a child’s destructive behaviors and the frustrations these may cause, they must also realize that children are naturally messy and disorganized, push limits, and create havoc.

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▲ Often, the TV and computer are used as a substitute caregiver for children, but independent exploration is important, despite the mess children sometimes make when allowed to explore outside or on their own.

Adult Expectations of Young Children Chapter 7

S P O T L I G H T:

The Order in Mess

On a recent visit to a local Head Start program, the director proudly showed me new computers neatly arranged in an empty classroom. They were prominently displayed and carefully situated where they would not be damaged from dirt, water, dust, or flying paint. However, when I looked out

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