An interracial couple seeking counseling

Alice and Javier: An interracial couple seeking counseling

Assume that a social worker whom you know conducts groups for couples. In one of these groups, a couple indicates to her that they would like to have at least a few counseling sessions with someone different to get another perspective on the problems they are having in their relationship. The counselor knows that your orientation is Adlerian (hers happens to be psychoanalytic). She wants to refer this couple to you, and before you see them, she gives you the following background information.

Some Background Data:

Alice and Javier have been married for 17 years and have three children. This is an interracial marriage. Javier is a Latino, and Alice is a Pacific Islander. Neither his family nor hers was very supportive of marrying a person “not of your own kind.” Consequently, Javier and Alice do not see their parents very often. She feels a real gap without this connection with her family; he maintains that if that’s the way his family wants it, so be it.

They have been having a great deal of difficulty as a family for several years. The social worker sees Javier as being extremely defensive in his dealings with Alice. He shouts a lot, gets angry, and then slams the door and refuses to talk to her for days at a time. Although he never strikes her, he has threatened to do so, and she is intimidated by his tirades and displays of anger. He has put his fist through the bathroom door, as well as breaking objects in the house. Alice seems to think that Javier is far too strict with the children, demanding full obedience without question. He admits he is a hard taskmaster, but he says that’s the way it was for him in his family. He insists on being the boss in the family. He is constantly yelling at them for making messes as well as for a multitude of offenses in his eyes. He rarely spends time with his two teenage daughters (who see him as a stranger), but he often takes his 10-year-old son on fishing and camping trips. They appear to have a fairly good relationship.

Alice would like to get a job, yet she stops herself from considering it because Javier becomes extremely upset when she even mentions the issue. His response is: “Why can’t you be satisfied with what you have? Don’t I make enough money for this damn family? It reflects poorly on me if you have to go outside and get work!” Alice has tended to assume the role of keeping peace in the family, almost at any price. This means not doing many of the things she would like to do, lest it leads to an escalation of the conflicts between them. The social worker perceives Alice as quiet, submissive to Javier, very bright and attractive, afraid of the prospects of a divorce, and very disenchanted with her life with him. Alice has finally decided that even if it rocks the boat and causes a storm, she cannot continue living as she has. She has asked Javier to go to counseling with her. He has agreed, reluctantly, mostly to understand her better and “do whatever can be done to help her.” His reaction is that he should be able to solve any problems in his family without the help of some professional. Again, he thinks that seeking counseling is somewhat of a slap in his face.

As a couple, they rarely have any time together except for Wednesday evenings, when they attend a couples group they recently joined. Alice says she would like to go away to spend at least a weekend alone with Javier, which she cannot ever remember doing. He complains that doing so is too expensive, that it is a problem to get someone to be with the children, and that they could have as much fun by hanging around the house. She feels continually rebuffed when she asks him for time together. He feels typically defensive that he is being asked for more and more, and he thinks he is doing enough in what he refers to as “this damn family.”

Respond to the following questions:

In reviewing the case study for Unit 2, if you were using the Adlerian perspective, discuss how you might proceed in counseling this couple?

From the background data given what guesses do you have about Alice’s family background? What about Javier’s family constellation?

How might you work with each of their family backgrounds in relation to their current difficulties as a couple?

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