Instead of Discipline, Use Guidance Instructions Read the article ‘Instead of Discipline, Use Guidance’ by Dan Garthell. Reflect on the techniques, suggestions, and ideas. How would you des

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Resources / Publications / Teaching Young Children / February/March 2020 / Instead of Discipline, Use Guidance

DAN GARTRELL

We all know that we shouldn’t punish young children when they exhibit challenging behaviors. The children in our preschool classrooms are just beginning to learn the complex skills of getting along with others. These are skills that we humans work on our entire lives.

Children are going to have disagreements—sometimes dramatic ones—as they interact with others. They really don’t “know better” because they haven’t learned the “better” yet. After all, a 4-year-old has only 48 months of on-the-ground experience! It’s our job to teach children positive lessons from their mistakes—and to make sure we don’t hold their mistakes against them.

Conventional discipline too easily slides into punishment. For example, if we embarrass children by singling them out as part of our discipline strategy, this is punishment. Punishment makes young children feel stressed, hurt, rejected, and angry; these feelings make it harder for children to learn emotional and social skills.

When we punish children, we are actually making life more difficult for

• the child, who feels rejected and unworthy and becomes more challenged in learning social skills • other children who worry for themselves and the punished child • adults who are not being the leaders they want to be

Instead of Discipline, Use Guidance

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Using guidance

Guidance is about building an encouraging setting for every person in the group. It means helping young children understand they can learn from their mistakes, and it starts with showing them how. To give this help successfully, we need to build relationships with every child—especially with the children we find difficult to connect with and understand. We build these relationships from day one, outside of conflict situations. It is only when children know and trust us in day-to-day interactions that they will listen to us when conflicts happen (after we have helped everyone calm down).

So what do you do when conflicts arise and you want to use guidance? This article gives two illustrations of guidance at work. The first one might surprise you.

Illustration 1: Jeremiah comes through This example comes from former preschool teacher Beth Wallace.

When I first started working with Jeremiah, he had a lot of angry outbursts. The center used time-out at that point (the dreaded “green chair”), and Jeremiah spent considerable time there. While I was at the center, we moved away from using time- outs and introduced a system called peer problem-solving. By the time Jeremiah graduated to kindergarten, we had been using the system for three years, and he was one of the experts.

One day, I overheard a fracas in the block corner. I stood up to see what was going on, ready to intervene. Jordan, just 26 months old and only talking a little bit, had a truck. Franklin, 50 months old, decided it was his turn to use the truck. I took a step

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forward, ready to go to their aid, but paused when I saw Jeremiah (then 60 months old) approach them.

“What’s going on, guys?” Jeremiah asked (my standard opening line). He then facilitated a five-minute discussion between the two children. He made sure both got a chance to speak, interpreting for the little one. “Jordan, what do you think of that idea?” he asked. Jordan shook his head and clutched the truck tighter. “I don’t think Jordan’s ready to give up the truck yet,” Jeremiah told Franklin.

After helping his classmates negotiate an agreement, Jeremiah’s competence was without question, and his pride was evident.

On this day, Beth knew that three years of building relationships and teaching children how to resolve their conflicts through mediation was paying off.

Illustration 2: Playdough politics In preschool, three common sources of conflicts are property, territory, and privilege. The following illustration is a combination of dozens of property-related conflicts I have worked with teachers to address. I put a magnifying glass to this one so you can see up close what guidance is and isn’t, and how it teaches young children to learn from mistaken behavior.

J a s o n , a g e 4 2 m o n t h s , i s t h e o n l y o n e a t t h e p l a y d o u g h t a b l e . H e g e t s a g r i n o n h i s f a c e a n d p u l l s t h e w h o l e c h u n k o f d o u g h i n f r o n t o f h i m . H e s t a r t s w o r k i n g t h e d o u g h a n d m u t t e r s , “ M a k i n ’ a d i n o s a u r n e s t a n d e g g s . ”

D a e i s h a , a g e 5 2 m o n t h s , s i t s a t t h e t a b l e a n d s e e s J a s o n h a s a l l t h e d o u g h . S h e s a y s , “ H e y , g i v e m e s o m e ! ” J a s o n h a n d s D a e i s h a a t i n y b i t a n d c i r c l e s h i s a r m s a r o u n d t h e b i g m o u n d . D a e i s h a r e s p o n d s b y g r a b b i n g a l a r g e h a n d f u l o f d o u g h o u t f r o m u n d e r J a s o n ’ s a r m . J a s o n s c r e a m s . W h e n h e t r i e s t o g r a b t h e d o u g h b a c k , D a e i s h a p u s h e s h i m a n d s t a r t s k n e a d i n g t h e p l a y d o u g h . T e a c h e r K r i s s e e s J a s o n o n t h e f l o o r , y o w l i n g , a n d D a e i s h a u s i n g p l a y d o u g h a s i f n o t h i n g h a s h a p p e n e d .

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Pause for a few minutes to think about how you would address this situation. Then read on to consider two possible intervention choices.

C o n v e n t i o n a l d i s c i p l i n e :   K r i s w a l k s o v e r t o D a e i s h a , s t a n d s a b o v e h e r , a n d s a y s l o u d l y , “ Y o u ’ v e t a k e n s o m e t h i n g f r o m a n o t h e r p e r s o n a g a i n , D a e i s h a . Y o u n e e d t o s i t o n t h e t i m e – o u t c h a i r s o y o u w i l l r e m e m b e r h o w t o s h a r e . ” K r i s t a k e s D a e i s h a t o t h e c h a i r .

D a e i s h a i s n o t t h i n k i n g , “ I a m g l a d t h e t e a c h e r h a s t e m p o r a r i l y p r e v e n t e d m e f r o m p l a y i n g . N o w I w i l l b e a b e t t e r c h i l d a n d u s e f r i e n d l y w o r d s i n s t e a d o f f o r c i n g m y w i l l o n o t h e r s . ” I n s t e a d , D a e i s h a i s e m b a r r a s s e d , h u r t , a n d a n g r y . S h e f e e l s r e j e c t e d b y K r i s a n d u n w e l c o m e i n t h e g r o u p . D a e i s h a i s t h i n k i n g h o w t o g e t b a c k a t J a s o n .

G u i d a n c e :   K r i s m o v e s b e t w e e n t h e t w o c h i l d r e n , k n e e l s d o w n , a n d t a k e s t h e f o l l o w i n g f i v e f i r m , f r i e n d l y a c t i o n s . K r i s

1 . D e s c r i b e s   t h e s c e n e . “ I s e e J a s o n o n t h e f l o o r v e r y u p s e t . I s e e D a e i s h a u s i n g a b i g b u n c h o f p l a y d o u g h . W e n e e d t o s o l v e t h i s p r o b l e m . ”

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2 . C a l m s   w h o n e e d s c a l m i n g . “ J a s o n , w e n e e d t o h e l p y o u c o o l d o w n s o w e c a n m a k e t h i s b e t t e r . L e t ’ s g e t y o u b a c k o n t h e c h a i r . ” T a k i n g t h e p l a y d o u g h , K r i s l o o k s a t D a e i s h a a n d s a y s t o b o t h c h i l d r e n , “ I w i l l h o l d t h e p l a y d o u g h . T a k e s o m e d e e p b r e a t h s o r j u s t c l o s e y o u r e y e s t o g e t c a l m . ”

3 . L e a d s   e a c h c h i l d t o d e s c r i b e t h e c o n f l i c t , o f t e n s t a r t i n g w i t h t h e y o u n g e r c h i l d .

K r i s :   J a s o n , w h a t d o y o u t h i n k h a p p e n e d ?

J a s o n :   I w a s m a k i n g a d i n o s a u r n e s t a n d D a e i s h a t o o k m y p l a y d o u g h !

K r i s :   A n y t h i n g e l s e ?

J a s o n :   I g a v e h e r s o m e , b u t s h e s t i l l t o o k m i n e .

K r i s :   D a e i s h a , w h a t d o y o u t h i n k h a p p e n e d ?

D a e i s h a :   H e h a d a l l t h e p l a y d o u g h a n d j u s t s h a r e d a l i t t l e . S o I t o o k s o m e s o I c o u l d p l a y t o o .

J a s o n :   D a e i s h a h a d s o m e . ( H e p o i n t s t o t h e l i t t l e g l o b h e g a v e h e r . )

K r i s :   L e t ’ s l e t D a e i s h a f i n i s h .

D a e i s h a :   I n e e d e d m o r e t o p l a y , s o I t o o k i t .

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K r i s :   L e t ’ s s e e , i s t h i s r i g h t ? J a s o n , y o u w e r e m a k i n g a b i g n e s t w i t h t h e p l a y d o u g h . D a e i s h a c a m e a n d d i d n ’ t h a v e a n y . J a s o n g a v e D a e i s h a s o m e . D a e i s h a , y o u d i d n ’ t h a v e e n o u g h , s o y o u t o o k m o r e s o y o u c o u l d p l a y t o o ?

B o t h c h i l d r e n n o d , w h i c h a s s u r e s K r i s t h a t t h e y b o t h f e e l l i k e t h e y h a v e b e e n h e a r d a n d a r e r e a d y t o m o v e f o r w a r d .

4 . S o l v e s   t h e p r o b l e m w i t h t h e c h i l d r e n — n o t f o r t h e m .

K r i s :   S o h o w c a n w e f i x t h i s s o y o u c a n b o t h p l a y ?

D a e i s h a :   H e c a n s h a r e m o r e .

J a s o n :   B u t n o t t o o m u c h .

K r i s s e t s t h e p l a y d o u g h i n f r o n t o f J a s o n . J a s o n g i v e s D a e i s h a a b i t m o r e . D a e i s h a a n d K r i s b o t h l o o k a t J a s o n . H e g r i m a c e s b u t h a n d s o v e r e n o u g h t o s a t i s f y t h e o t h e r t w o .

K r i s :   T h a n k y o u , J a s o n . C a n y o u s t i l l m a k e a d i n o s a u r n e s t o r m a y b e j u s t a n e a g l e n e s t ?

J a s o n :   A l i t t l e r d i n o s a u r n e s t .

K r i s :   D a e i s h a , J a s o n w a s o n t h e f l o o r a n d h e w a s u p s e t . H e h a s g i v e n y o u m o r e p l a y d o u g h . S e e m s l i k e y o u n e e d t o d o s o m e t h i n g h e r e t o m a k e t h i n g s b e t t e r .

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( I n s t e a d o f f o r c i n g D a e i s h a t o a p o l o g i z e , K r i s g u i d e s t h e c h i l d t o t h i n k a b o u t w h a t w o u l d m a k e J a s o n f e e l b e t t e r . )

D a e i s h a :   T h a n k y o u , J a s o n . S o r r y . C a n I m a k e y o u s o m e e g g s ?

J a s o n :   Y e a h , a w h o l e b u n c h .

5 . F o l l o w s   u p w i t h o n e o r b o t h c h i l d r e n b y h a v i n g a g u i d a n c e t a l k S i t t i n g n e x t t o D a e i s h a , K r i s t h a n k s h e r f o r h e l p i n g t o s o l v e t h e p r o b l e m a n d t a l k s w i t h h e r a b o u t w h a t t o d o n e x t t i m e s o n o o n e i s h u r t . T h e y a g r e e t h a t i f a c l a s s m a t e w o n ’ t s h a r e , D a e i s h a w i l l a s k a t e a c h e r f o r h e l p .

Although guidance may seem time-consuming, a scene like this can play out in just five minutes. If you truly do not have time to engage in all five steps at that moment, do steps 1 and 2 right away and tell the children when you will get together to finish the mediation. Don’t forget! If the problem is no longer a big deal to both children when you get together, skip to step 5 for a guidance talk. Help each child learn how to get along better next time.

Seeing the value of guidance

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Why is guidance well worth the time it takes? Here are four reasons.

First, the teacher does not make one child seem like a perpetrator and the other seem like a victim. Adults can actually start bully-victim patterns if they consistently comfort the “helpless” victim and punish the “guilty” perpetrator. Kris handled this situation so both children felt they were worthy individuals who belonged in the class and were capable of solving their problems and of learning from their mistakes.

Second, Kris worked with Daeisha. Children who have the boldness to take things from others most often also have the individual strength to become leaders who can work cooperatively with others (like Jeremiah), if we support them in developing their emotional and social skills. This change requires belief in the child and firm, friendly, and consistent guidance (with an emphasis on the friendly).

Third, every use of guidance provides powerful lessons in language arts and social studies. Children who learn to put strong emotions into non-hurtful words gain vocabulary and communication skills that serve them well for their entire lives. Children who learn the social studies lessons of overcoming differences and solving problems together are gaining democratic life skills.

Finally, every time members of an encouraging classroom see guidance at work, children and adults together learn the vital lesson that everyone is a worthy individual, belongs in the group, and can participate in solving problems. For all of us, this is important learning for making our democracy “more perfect.”

Closing thoughts

Guidance should not be thought of as a weak alternative to traditional discipline—it’s being a good coach who doesn’t give up on any member of the team. Your efforts at guidance don’t have to be perfect, but if you persist and reflect, you will get good results. Like Beth and Kris, we learn even as we teach. Do these things and you will feel positively about yourself as a teacher—and that will help with the inner calm you need to guide children toward healthy emotional and social skills.

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This article supports the following NAEYC Early Learning Program Accreditation standards and topic areas STANDARDS 1: RELATIONSHIPS; 10: LEADERSHIP AND MANAGEMENT 1B: Building Positive Relationships Between Teachers and Children 1E: Addressing Challenging Behaviors 10B: Management Policies and Procedures

Photographs: © Getty Images

Audience: Teacher Age: Preschool Topics: Child Development, Social and Emotional Development, Guidance and Challenging Behaviors, Relationships, Curriculum, Assessment, Classroom Management, Classroom Management, TYC

DAN GARTRELL

Dan Gartrell, EdD, is an emeritus professor of early childhood education and a former Head Start teacher. The ideas here come from Guidance with Every Child: Teaching Young Children to Manage Conflict and his upcoming book, A Guidance Guide for Early Childhood Leaders. To learn more, visit www.dangartrell.net.

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© National Association for the Education of Young Children 1313 L St. NW, Suite 500, Washington, D.C. 20005 | (202)232-8777 | (800)424-2460 | [email protected]

Handout 4.3: Leadership StrategiesModule 4

The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning Vanderbilt University vanderbilt.edu/csefel Rev. 2/10 H 4.3 (p.1/2)

“From the last two decades of research, it is unequivocally clear that children’s emotional and behavioral adjustment is important for their chances of early school success.” (Raver, 2002)

There is mounting evidence showing that young children with challenging behavior are more likely to experience early and persistent peer rejection, mostly punitive contacts with teachers, family interaction patterns that are unpleasant for all participants, and school failure (Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior, 2003). Conversely, children who are emotionally well-adjusted have a greater chance of early school success (Raver, 2002). Social and behavioral competence in young children predicts their academic performance in the fi rst grade over and above their cognitive skills and family backgrounds (Raver & Knitzer, 2002).

Science has established a compelling link between social/emotional development and behavior and school success (Raver, 2002; Zins, Bloodworth, Weissberg, & Walberg, 2004). Indeed, longitudinal studies suggest that the link may be causal….academic achievement in the fi rst few years of schooling appears to be built on a foundation of children’s emotional and social skills (Raver, 2002). Young children cannot learn to read if they have problems that distract them from educational activities, problems following directions, problems getting along with others and controlling negative emotions, and problems that interfere with relationships with peers, teachers, and parents. “Learning is a social process” (Zins et al., 2004).

The National Education Goals Panel (1996) recognized that a young child must be ready to learn, e.g., possess the pre-requisite skills for learning in order to meet the vision and accountability mandates of academic achievement and school success. Academic readiness includes the prosocial skills that are essential to school success. Research has demonstrated the link between social competence and positive intellectual outcomes as well as the link between antisocial conduct and poor academic performance (Zins et al., 2004). Programs that have a focus on social skills have been shown to have improved outcomes related to drop out and attendance, grade retention, and special education referrals. They also have improved grades, test scores, and reading, math, and writing skills (Zins etal., 2004).

Social skills that have been identified as essential for academic success include: getting along with others (parents, teachers, and peers), following directions, identifying and regulating one’s emotions and behavior, thinking of appropriate solutions to confl ict, persisting on task,

www.challengingbehavior.org

Recommended Practices Linking Social Development and Behavior to School Readiness Barbara J. Smith, Ph.D. – University of Colorado-Denver and Health Sciences Center

Handout 4.3: Leadership StrategiesModule 4

The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning Vanderbilt University vanderbilt.edu/csefel H 4.3 (p.2/2)

Rev. 2/10

References Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior (2003). Facts about young children with challenging behaviors. www.challengingbehavior.org

Division for Early Childhood (DEC) Position statement on interventions for challenging behavior. www.dec-sped.org

Fox, L., Dunlap, G., Hemmeter, M.L., Joseph, G., & Strain, P. (2003). The teaching pyramid: A model for supporting social competence and preventing challenging behavior in young children. Young Children, 58(4), 48-52.

National Education Goals Panel (l996). The national education goals report: Building a nation of learners. Washington DC: US Government Printing Offi ce.

Raver, C., & Knitzer, J. (2002). Ready to enter: What research tells policymakers about strategies to promote social and emotional school readiness among three- and four-year old children. New York, NY: National Center for Children in Poverty. [email protected]

Raver, C. (2002). Emotions matter: Making the case for the role of young children’s emotional development for early school readiness. Social Policy Report of the Society for Research in Child Development, 16(3), 1-20.

Smith, B., & Fox, L. (2002). Systems of service delivery: A synthesis of evidence relevant to young children at risk for or who have challenging behavior. Center for Evidence- Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior. www.challengingbehavior.org

ZERO TO THREE (2003). Assuring school readiness by promoting healthy social and emotional development. Washington, DC: ZERO TO THREE Policy Center.

Zins, J., Bloodworth, M., Weissberg, R., & Walberg, H. (2004). The scientifi c base linking social and emotional learning to school success. In J. Zins, R. Weissberg, M. Wang, & H. J. Walberg (Eds.), Building academic success on social and emotional learning: What does the research say? (pp. 1-22). New York: Teachers Press, Columbia University.

On the web www.challengingbehavior.org Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior

www.csefel.uiuc.edu Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning

www.zerotothree.org ZERO TO THREE

engaging in social conversation and cooperative play, correctly interpreting other’s behavior and emotions, feeling good about oneself and others.

And yet, many children are entering kindergarten and fi rst grade without the social, emotional, and behavioral skills that are necessary for learning and success in school. One survey of over 3000 kindergarten teachers found that 30% claimed at least half of the children in their classes lacked academic skills, had diffi culty following directions and working as part of a group; and 20% reported that at least half of the class had problems in social skills (Rimm-Kaufman, Pianta, & Cox, 2000).

Research indicates that children who display disruptive behavior in school receive less positive feedback from teachers, spend less time on tasks, and receive less instruction. They lose opportunities to learn from their classmates in group- learning activities and receive less encouragement from their peers. Finally, children who are disliked by their teachers and peers grow to dislike school and eventually have lower school attendance (Raver, 2002). What can we do to increase school readiness in young children? Policy – Federal and state policies need to refl ect the importance of these

foundational skills by removing barriers and providing incentives and resources to communities and programs: (1) to improve the overall quality of early care settings; (2) to support families so that they are able to promote positive relationships and social competence in their infants and young children; (3) to prevent problem behavior by addressing social and educational factors that put children at risk for challenging behavior; and (4) to provide effective services and interventions to address social/emotional problems and challenging behavior when they occur.

Public Awareness – Federal, state, and local governments and community agencies need to raise the visibility of importance of social competence in school success.

Knowledge and Skills – Early care and education professionals need training and on-site technical assistance in evidence-based practices for: (1) promoting social skills (e.g., identifying and regulating emotions, playing cooperatively, following directions, getting along with others, persisting with tasks, problem solving, etc.); (2) preventing problem behavior (through classroom arrangements, individualizing to childrens’ interests and abilities, etc.); and (3) providing effective intervention strategies when needed (e.g. positive behavior support, peer mediated strategies, etc.) (Fox et al., 2003). Early childhood education professionals need to know how to integrate social/emotional learning with literacy, language, and other curricular areas. Professionals need to know how to provide parents with information and support around parenting practices that prevent problems and effectively address challenging behavior.

Research – Studies are needed on specifi c promotion, prevention, and intervention strategies to establish their effi cacy for specifi c groups of children in particular settings. Research is also needed on policy and programmatic features that result in more effective services for children and families related to social development.

“The emotional, social, and behavioral competence of young children is a strong predictor of academic performance in early elementary school.” (Zero to Three, 2003)

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