I imagine that it feels like I’m disengaging from a conflict or uninterest in pursuing the matter-at-hand.

Conflicts in relationship cHAPTER 12

Can you respond to two of them 5 sentences long ? write some new insight or reflect an interesting takeaway.

Article 1 The horseman which I’m guilty of is stonewalling. There’s a Kate Bornstein quote, which describes how I feel when in an interpersonal conflict something, to the effect of, “I can’t do activism when I’m angry.” I struggle to express negative feelings, I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing and prefer to withdraw from a situation. I also tend to be a little more passive. Often, I try to let what a conflict or situation there is to resolve on its own.

I imagine that it feels like I’m disengaging from a conflict or uninterest in pursuing the matter-at-hand. If the other person wants to pursue a matter and I ‘stonewall,’ I imagine that it’s quite unsettling. While I like to think I’m giving the matter a rest, if I don’t explicitly say that I’m unilateral shutting down the conversation.

I would let my future self to be present when future disagreement arises. It’s one thing to take a step back from a potentially charged situation, its another to disengage from a conversation because it’s uncomfortable. I would tell myself to be present. To be with the other person, whether it’s my partner or family member/friend, for the sake of resolving the issue.

Article 2 Out of Gottman’s four horsemen, I think I need to work on contempt the most. I’ve been told sometimes I roll my eyes and to be honest, sometimes I think they are wrong. That could either mean they are taking it wrong, or perhaps I am unaware that I am even doing it. Which is not a good thing. Sometimes it is easy to put someone down slightly when you feel that what they are saying is irrelevant or so obvious. To the other person though, it can make them feel small and put in their place. It could make them feel worthless honestly. To future me, I would say that even if someone says something super obvious or says something redundantly just be patient and think why they are saying that and respond in kindness. Sometimes when you respond in kindness they can reflect and say to themselves maybe I shouldn’t have said it that way. But if you right away belittle them or roll your eyes, then it puts them on defense or attack mode and it gets ugly quick. So, just be patient and kind and if I catch myself starting to have contempt, bite my tongue or even apologize if I already have said something to them.

Interpersonal Dynamics/ Dear Classmate chapter 10

1 Each of your responses should highlight a minimum of two specific terms or concepts from the chapter (with page or section number) that help you provide the best possible advice for your classmate’s unique relationship challenge. In other words, based on this chapter, what concepts and recommendations can best help your classmate overcome the relationship challenge they described? (Remember to be empathetic and kind since most of the challenges you are responding to are likely true.)

Article 1. A challenge that I have encountered in a relation ship was back in high school when I had my best friend and fellow captain quite my dance team. It was my junior year and my first time being captain of the dance team and I had 8 dancers quit one of which was my friend and fellow Captain. She quit without warning and just left me as a lone captain with no idea what I was doing. Not to mention it was our homecoming week which is the most important of our fall season. My dilemma was what am I going to do, how am I going to be able to lead this team without letting my feelings get to me. What was at stake was letting my team down and my friendship with my friend because what she did really hurt me and I wasn’t sure if I could continue that friendship.

Article 2. Dear Classmate,

I am a very punctual person, being on time for things is very important to me – it’s how I was raised. And not just on time either, slightly early is better. Think of the saying I picked up when working in theater: “If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. If you’re late, you’re done.” I get very agitated when I am running late to something, even the thought of possibly being late makes me worried. The last two guys that I have seriously dated have not shared this need for punctuality with me and it definitely added stress to the relationship. While this is not something to end a relationship over (although when one of them was six hours – yes, hours – late to my birthday celebration that was a significant nail in the coffin for that relationship), it is an incremental transgression that compounds over time. Explaining that being on time is important to me and family didn’t make much headway on the issue. I can also learn to let it go a little, being late for most things isn’t a huge deal I guess – I just don’t like it. Any advice for how I could have handled this issue, or could handle it in a future relationship?

Sincerely,

Your classmate

Love Language Chapter 11

Please respond to two of them. Your responses should provide some new insight or reflect an interesting takeaway.

Article 1.

According to the quiz I had the most points for quality time and the worst points for gifts. Basically, I was surprised about this because it tells many truths that seem really accurate. To make it clear, I’m the type of person who loves spending time with people who I love and I think sharing time instead of always saying I love you is more important for me. Additionally, by spending time together, we could get to know each other more. On the other hand, I’m not into gifts or love people who give me expensive gifts because they are not attractive to me. For me, this idea could apply to non-romantic relationships because the idea of love language can categorize what is your type of love, what are you into, and what you are not. As an example, I prefer having time with partners to maintain a good relationship, I’m not the type of romantic person but this idea can tell who truly i am. Furthermore, explaining your love language more to your partner could help the partner get to know you more and avoid bad arguments, and easier to deal with each other. Sharing love language can also help the relationship become better. Honestly, Love language is a summary of love that can tell who you are in a relationship and it can guide you to the good relationship that you want.

Article 2.

• My highest was quality time, and my lowest was tied between words of affirmation and physical touch. It seems accurate to me. I love doing things with my friends or my parents. I like to experience life and go on adventures, so it makes sense for my highest to be time with someone. For the two tied for lowest those make sense because I usually don’t need to be encouraged or motivated to do things in life, I’m independent that way. When I was little, I didn’t always like to be hugged or cuddle a lot with my parents, so I guess that one makes sense too.
• I think this can apply to non-romantic life as well as romantic. My examples from above were all with people that I am not dating. The quiz even said someone you love, and it asked if you were dating or single. Being with my parents and hearing them say I love you or we appreciate you is something every kid likes to hear. It doesn’t have to be from someone they are dating- it still is nice when parents, friends, or teachers do things like that as well.
• It would be helpful to know and express your love languages with others and vice versa because then everyone knows what to do or to expect in a relationship. You might be confused as to why someone keeps buying you gifts if you didn’t like gifts. Someone might be annoyed at you if you are using physical touch when they don’t like that.
• The last useful takeaway is from the book where it says in 11.1 that friends can come and go. Everyone mostly knows that but it’s always good to have the reminder that sometimes friends, and people are only in your life for a short amount of time. It could be because of a move or because of having different values. Even though it might stink in the moment, sometimes that is the way it’s supposed to be.

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