Sugar in School Breakfast
10349Problem with Submission
Hi, Cortney. I’m Chris, your Sophia reader. I’m pleased to be helping today!
Explanation:
I’m returning this ungraded b/c I want you to succeed. After a start that appears as if a summary is coming, the submission becomes a discussion of the same subject as the article, without summarizing it or responding to it. In other words, the focus and the topic are off. Here’s how to fix it. Some of the piece is even written as if from the district’s POV.
1) Review the example provided, the instructions, the checklist in those instructions, and the rubrics for a clearer picture of the expected outcome/paper. It always helps to see what the finished product should look like.
2) Remember an article summary and response are very different from reading a paper about a topic then writing about it from what you’ve read. This submission uses the source to talk about the same subject, which is not the assignment.
3) Start the article summary with a clear roll out of all its basics–all authors, year of publication, title, and journal from whence it came. Some parts are already present.
4) Then offer the reader a summary of the article’s contents, being sure to credit the authors/intext citing as you go. If you don’t give extensive credit, it comes off as your opinion, which is not appropriate.
5) Think of your piece as helping someone who has never read the article getting the short version of it from your submission. Presume that the reader knows nothing about the article unless you write it for them. This is the essence of a correct summary.
6) Be careful not to respond to the issue, which is what makes your response incorrect here. Our expertise in these matter is too limited to comment on HISD’s problems and solutions.
Respond to the article, the author, and the findings ONLY instead. Be sure in formal college essays to background/delete your personal thoughts in favor of evidence. In other words, stating agreement is OK, provided the agreement explicitly ties to the article’s findings and sprinkles in examples to back it.
8) To emphasize, delete your own views about any matter other than your concurrence w/ the article/author. It’s tempting to offer your opinions, but those views are not actually solicited in this piece (and very few others). Refrain from personal stories or experiences.
9) To get practice in APA style, which is a part of many Sophia papers, it will help to review the Owl@Purdue for how to intext cite and how to create a reference page. Intext is incorrect below and is too infrequent. Note, APA is not required here but using it requires using it correctly.
10) Add back the missing questions for the reflection and place it on its own page as instructed. And flip the reference page and reflection pages.
11) Be sure and proof and spell check aggressively as college essays must be virtually error free. Add a tool called Grammarly to help with close editing.
I know with these revisions you’ll be off to a strong start in Comp II.
Christopher
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