How to Build a Camp Fire
I need my paper to be proof read, editted, and perfected for submission. My professor left feedback on my paper what I did good and what needs changed, I will be posting this in here as well. You have free reign to edit my paper however you would like, just please don’t mess it up. I like how detailed your explanation of the needed materials, safety tips, and steps are. The images that you’ve selected are also all helpful and logically placed. First, don’t forget about providing captions and attribution for those images. I’d also recommend making a bigger distinction between headings and subheadings. This helps readers follow along by making it clearer when you’re shifting to a new phase or topic. This could be as simple as enlarging the font size of the primary headings–Introduction, Materials needed, Steps to set campfire safely, and Step by step guidelines. I was slightly confused at first by the bullet point list of instructions on page eight. It wasn’t immediately clear whether this was meant to be part of the section on building lean-to fires specifically or a more general explanation of building a campfire. Adding another heading here could be useful and would help clarify that. I’d also recommend moving the information about how to use a fire extinguisher into your earlier section on safety tips that people should know before starting a campfire. In terms of grammar/punctuation–On page 4, section 4, you’re starting your sentence without a capital letter. That opening line could maybe be rewritten as something like: “A flame source is the final material you need for a campfire.” Also on page 4, your heading “Steps to set campfire safety” could be revised. Perhaps: “Creating a Campfire Safely” or “Steps to Creating a Campfire Safely”Overall, this is really quite good, Nick and I’m looking forward to the final version.
Review the introduction for the instruction set. It should describe the procedure, provide background information, and preview the contents and organization. How effective is the introduction? Is there anything missing that the audience would need before they start? What revisions could the author make to make the introduction more useful?
I thought you had a very effective introduction, but I think things can’t be moved around a little bit. For example, I think you should make all of the cautions, such as keeping away from wood structures and low hanging trees, its own section. Explain the dangers independent of an introduction to your paper. You did a great job though making a connection with the audience and I think everything you wrote is beneficial to the development of the paper.
Locate key terms in the instruction set. How well has the author defined or explained them? What terms might readers have trouble with?
You did an amazing job at defining terms within your paper. All of the materials you showcased had an effective description. You even went extra to provide different variations of firewood, which was a good touch.
Are the instructions detailed enough? Could their audience effectively follow the instructions and complete the task?
The instructions are really detailed. You added a lot of great content, and it showed how much you understand the process of building a campfire. There is really no need to add information; rather, I think there is an opportunity to cut some information and refine it to be really effective.
How are the instructions organized? What is the overall organizational pattern? What organizational patterns are used within sections? How should the writer revise or reconsider the documents organization?
Instructions can be organized better. I felt there were times where I got lost in how the steps flowed together. I think using numbers would be more effective instead of using a) b) and c).
How about the typography? Evaluate the effectiveness of typographical choices for the instruction set. Be sure to pay attention to all textual elements, including headings.
I think the typography of the instruction set could be better. I dont know if it was a weird pdf thing, but there is a large space before going into your introduction. Beyond that, I think your section titles should be right aligned, and not tabbed in. Further, I dont think you should tab for your paragraphs. It will look more visually appealing to do those things. Also, make sure you are consistent in your spacing between section titles and the paragraphs. Through the paper the alignment of sections seems messed up. Make sure you are being consistent throughout the instruction set. In regards to consistency as well, make sure when you are creating lists and indents you are using the same symbols, such as only using bullets or arrows. In your paper there is a mix which makes it messy and not as appealing.
Identify the visual elements (diagrams, charts, tables, etc.). For what purposes are they used? Does the author need to revise their visuals or add additional visuals?
You had effective photos to showcase what the different construction styles look like. However, I think it would be better to showcase the steps on how these are constructed with photos. Showcase what it looks like to clear the space for the firepit and what the beginning steps of building a teepee look like as well. There is room for adding more detailed visual elements. Also, try and make sure that these are your images. If possible, try and showcase the steps using your own images, as requested per the announcement in Canvas.
Are the instructions themselves worded clearly? That is, do they consistently use the imperative mood and parallelism? Are bullets and numbering used correctly? Suggest revisions of instructions that were unclear to you or that do not follow the standard format.
I think the instructions are clear; however, they can be more concise and broken down even further. There is a lot of reading compared to clear instruction steps. Make sure there is one bullet point per step and make that step an action. Bold the action and then further describe the step if needed via unbolded text. If I were using the instruction set, I might get a little lost when trying to refer back to it when building myself a fire. My big suggestion would be going back and defining actions and removing any unnecessary fluff.
Overall I thought you did a great job. I was only being more critical due to the circumstance that you are in. I hope you were able to pull some suggestions from the insights I got from reading your instruction set. Good job.
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