Friends vs. Acquaintances: Simon Sinek Interview, Rawlins and Mindful Friendship (Discussion Post)

Discussion: Friends vs. acquaintances (Simon Sinek interview)

How many “friends” do you have on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.? Is the number important to you? Why?

Before beginning this discussion forum, reread information in your textbook about Rawlins’ Five Characteristics of Friendships and Rawlins’ friendship dialectics. Watch the interview with Simon Sinek, an author and leadership expert, and Eric Michielsen about friendships (YouTube). Tell us his message in your own words to begin your posting.

1. Clearly state two or three observations or messages communicated by Mr. Sinek about the differences between acquaintances and friends that you believe are significant. In your own words, explain the importance of these differences in today’s communication climate of social media.
2. Conclude your posting by revisiting Section 10.1 in your textbook, specifically the Mindfulness Activity on page 10.1.5.
3. Answer the following by comparing YOUR responses to Section 10.1, citing page numbers and quotes:
   • When you are with your friends, are you truly present, or do you let distractions such as your cell phone or personal concerns get in the way?
   • How often do you and your friends do new things, or are you stuck in a rut?
   • Are you clearly aware of your attitude, your purpose and your attention? Can you disagree with your friend and have meaningful discussions? Does your friend persuade you to behave in a manner that you feel in your “gut” is not the best way to be?

Original example for study purposes (about 640 words). Replace the personal details with your own, and add the exact quotes and page numbers from Section 10.1 of your textbook where marked.

Sinek’s Message in My Own Words

I have about [number] Facebook friends and [number] Instagram followers. I used to feel good when those numbers went up, but after watching Simon Sinek’s interview, I realize the number says very little about how many friends I really have. Sinek admits that he has been using the word “friend” too loosely, calling thousands of people he likes and shares interests with “friends” when he does not really know them (Capture Your Flag, n.d.).

Three of his messages stood out to me:

1. A friend is someone who will be there in a time of need. Sinek describes friends as people who will show up for him no matter what. An acquaintance may “like” my post about a bad day, but a friend calls, comes over or helps.
2. Friends are people we can be weak around. With true friends, we do not have to perform; they see us at our worst and do not think less of us. Social media encourages the opposite, because we post our best moments for an audience.
3. True friendships are rare and should be treated as sacred. Sinek now says things like “I’m friendly with him” or “we’ve met” instead of calling everyone a friend. Using the word carelessly, he suggests, cheapens the relationships that really matter.

These ideas match Rawlins’ characteristics of friendship in our textbook: friendships are voluntary, personal, based on equality, involve mutual involvement and include affection (Rawlins, 2009; [textbook, p. __]). Most social media connections are voluntary but not personal or mutually involved. Rawlins’ dialectic of expressiveness and protectiveness also fits: with real friends, we can open up because we trust them to protect what we share, just as Sinek says his friends keep his secrets without a confidentiality agreement. In today’s social media climate, where “friend” is a button, this distinction helps us invest our limited time and energy in the relationships that will support us.

Revisiting Section 10.1 and the Mindfulness Activity

The Mindfulness Activity on page 10.1.5 asks us to look at our friendships through attitude, intention (purpose) and attention. [Insert a short quote from p. 10.1.5 here.]

Am I truly present? Honestly, not always. When I am with my closest friend, [name or initial], I often check my phone when it buzzes, and sometimes I am thinking about work or bills instead of listening. Our textbook describes mindful presence as [quote, p. 10.1.__]. I have started putting my phone face down, and I notice our conversations go deeper when I do.

Do we try new things or stay in a rut? My friends and I tend to do the same things: meet for coffee or watch a game and talk about the same topics. Section 10.1 suggests that [quote, p. 10.1.__]. This made me want to suggest something new, like a hiking trail or a cooking class, so that we create new shared experiences.

Am I aware of my attitude, purpose and attention, and can we disagree? With my closest friends, I can disagree and we still respect each other; a recent debate about [topic] helped me see a viewpoint I had not considered. Rawlins’ dialectic of judgment and acceptance describes this balance: good friends accept us but are also honest when they disagree. However, with one group of friends, I sometimes go along with jokes or plans that do not feel right in my gut, because I want to fit in. Being mindful of my purpose, which is to have friendships that bring out the best in me, helps me speak up or step back when that happens.

Overall, Sinek’s interview and Section 10.1 remind me that the number of online “friends” is not important to me anymore. What matters is being fully present for the few people who would be there for me, and making sure I am that kind of friend in return.

References

Capture Your Flag. (n.d.). Simon Sinek on why to differentiate friends from acquaintances [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGuheGml_wQ

Rawlins, W. K. (2009). The compass of friendship: Narratives, identities, and dialogues. Sage.

[Your course textbook, Chapter 10, Section 10.1, in APA format.]

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