Choose one of the rough draft emails below that business people have sent to their bosses or coworkers. Revise and edit each draft referring to the Revisio
Choose one of the rough draft emails below that business people have sent to their bosses or coworkers. Revise and edit each draft referring to the Revisions list. Turn in your revision and the final, reader-ready copy. As you revise, keep in mind that you may have to delete and add information, rearrange the order of information, and make the tone suitable for your readers. As you edit, make sure your sentences are clear and concise.
Email 3
To: All Company Employees List
From: Barb Beasley, Executive Secretary
Subject: Third Thursday Town Hall Meeting
As you know, this week marks the third Thursday of the month, so its time to assemble for our monthly Third Thursday Town Hall Meeting this month. Join CEO Edwina Johnstone down the hall from the front entrance reception desk in the employee cafeteria for our monthly all-employee meeting. (It’s right past the men’s bathroom!) With her will be special guests from the London office, Molly Ramsay, President of European Operations, and John Lord, Executive Vice President of Technlology Services—please make sure to give them a warm welcome since they are visiting from so far away!
Edwin’s remarks at the meeting will start promptly at 10 am, so be sure to be on-time! The subject of the program for this month is “Making the Most of Our Changing Technology Landscape.” To be honest with you, all of us could use the information from this presentation, since we have so many diffrent technology products that we use here at the office, plus all of the devices that we use at home. Also, remember that it is mandatory to arrive by 9:30 for the status updates given by all the major department heads.
If you are able to join us at the meeting in-person, great. But we will also stream the Town Hall live. The link is forthcoming.
Regardless of how you plan to attend the meeting, there will
See you all at the meeting!
,
Email Review and Revision Checklist Content and Organization
• Is the purpose of the memo clear and specific? • Does the memo provide necessary background information? • Is the information organized logically and effectively? • Are all key points and details included? • Is the memo concise and not long-winded? • Have unnecessary information and details been eliminated?
Clarity and Conciseness
• Are sentences clear, concise, and easy to understand? • Have unnecessary words, phrases, or jargon been eliminated? • Is the language professional and appropriate for the audience?
Tone and Style
• Does the tone of the memo match the intended audience (bosses or coworkers)? • Is the style formal or informal as appropriate? • Have you ensured a respectful and courteous tone throughout?
Formatting and Structure
• Is the memo formatted correctly with headings, bullet points, or sections where necessary? • Are paragraphs and sections well-structured and organized? • Does the memo follow standard business memo format (header, date, subject, etc.)?
Visual Presentation
• Is the memo visually appealing and easy to navigate? • Are there appropriate visuals (if applicable) to support understanding? • Is the font type and size consistent and professional?
Grammar and Mechanics
• Have you checked for grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors? • Are there any typos or inconsistencies in language usage? • Have you used active voice where possible and appropriate?
Revision and Editing Process
• Have you reviewed the memo for overall coherence and flow? • Have you made the necessary revisions based on feedback and the revision checklist? • Is the final version of the memo reader-ready and polished?
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