I want you to revise this essay and write a comment in each change you made( why did you made this change )

I want you to revise this essay and write a comment in each change you made( why did you made this change )

The essay:

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here is my professor comments.

– Meets rhetorical situation: yes! – Title, intro, two+ BP, conclusion: yes! – Thesis with topic sentences: yes! – Works Cited: yes! – MLA formatting: no, information from book needs page #s, missing citations for film scenes – Effective/ethical textual evidence: no – BP1 should have direct evidence from the text – No outside sources: yes! – Paper formatting (3, double space, 12/TNR font): yes! – Clear theme/issue and two filmic adaptations: yes! – Effective organization strategy: mostly – not clear how BP3 differs from conclusion.

also here is the assignment requirement so you can understand:

In this comparative essay, you will analyze and compare how filmic adaptations embody a key theme, issue, character or other singular focus from a literary text. In this three page essay (not including Works Cited), you will analyze either The Secret Life of Walter Mittyor Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and their filmic adaptations. Once you’ve picked a story narrative, you will then need to note a singular change found in the text (short story/novel) and each filmic adaptation.

To help you find the larger purpose for this change, you should ask “what does [text] say about [theme/issue] and how is that represented in the adaptations”?

If you follow the Secret Life of Walter Mitty track, you will ultimately need to discuss the 1939 short story, 1947 film, and 2013 film. If you follow Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you would need to discuss the 1964 children’s book and the two films: 1971 and 2005.

*** Note, I have taken out the option to write on the 2023 Wonka. I will explain this in class.**

As an example, I might explore “fatphobia” as a theme in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I would need to establish that this is a theme in the text and then explore how the the 1971 film and 2005 film portray fatphobia. I would need a clear claim, such as:

“Despite a more modern approach, the 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory uses similar filmic elements as the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to portray fatness as inherently bad”

“Both filmic adaptations further the them of “fatness” as inherently bad through their portrayal of Augustus.”

The 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory provides a better version of Augustus by playing on audience’s expectations of “fatness.”

Rhetorical Situation

Audience: Professors within the HU/COM department

Task: Analyze and compare the treatment of a singular adaptive element (theme, issue, character, etc) and its representation in two filmic adaptations

Context: You can assume that readers will know of the artifacts, but may have not seen or read them in some time.

Purpose: Identify and discuss trends between an original artifact and it’s adaptations and argue why these differences matter

Essay Structure and Minimum Requirements:

Must include an engaging title, intro, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion

Provide and follow a clear, engaging thesis, supported by topic sentences

Create a Works Cited (may be attached at end or on new page – up to you!)

Use MLA formatting throughout

Effectively and ethically uses textual evidence (from class texts and films) to support your claims

Do not use outside sources – this is a close analysis essay!

Have 3 double-spaced pages, 12 pt. Times New Roman black font

Clearly identify the theme/issue in the artifact and explore two filmic adaptations

Implement an effective organization strategy (suggestion: dedicate one body paragraph per film)