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The COACH Model

FOR CHRISTIAN LEADERS

Powerful Leadership Skills for Solving Problems, Reaching Goals, and Developing Others

KEITH E. WEBB

NASHVILLE

new york • london • melbourne • vancouver

The COACH Model

FOR CHRISTIAN LEADERS

Powerful Leadership Skills for Solving Problems, Reaching Goals, and Developing Others

© 2019 KEITH E. WEBB

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in New York, New York, by Morgan James Publishing. Morgan James is a trademark of Morgan James, LLC. www.MorganJamesPublishing.com

The COACH Model® is the registered trademark of Keith E. Webb. Copyright © 2004 Keith E. Webb. Used with permission.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks reg-istered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

ISBN 978-1-64279-357-4 paperback

ISBN 978-1-64279-358-1 eBook

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018913639

Cover Design by:

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www.r2cdesign.com

Morgan James is a proud partner of Habitat for Humanity Peninsula and Greater Williamsburg. Partners in building since 2006.

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For Benjamin and Jessica.

Table of Contents

Preface to the Revised & Expanded Edition

Foreword

1 Coaching Mindsets

2 What It Really Means To Coach

3 Coaching As A Way Of Leading

4 Connect

5 Outcome

6 Awareness

7 Course

8 Highlights

9 Follow-Up

10 Coaching Others

11 Next Steps

Appendix 1: Sample Coaching Agreement

Appendix 2: Three Essential Practices of Effective Coaching Training

Appendix 3: How to Become an ICF Certified Coach

Acknowledgements

Preface to the Revised & Expanded Edition

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

—Galatians 5:25

In the 7 years between first publishing The COACH Model for Christian Leaders and writing this revised and expanded edition, our team of instructors has trained more than 10,000 Christian leaders how to coach. We’ve worked with business professionals, ministry leaders, pastors, CEOs, parents, nonprofit workers, managers, supervisors, and volunteers—in more than 30 countries. We’ve learned a lot about how to help people master coaching skills and put those skills into practice in their work, ministry, and personal lives.

I want to share that know-how with you!

Coaching isn’t only a program for your business or organization. It has become an essential set of skills, mindsets, and tools for leaders. Coaching is an empowering way of communicating by drawing out what God has put in the people with whom you interact.

Conversations form the foundation of everything we do. Your ability to get things done, make changes, or help other people grow depends on the quality of your conversations. If you change your conversations, you’ll change your results.

The challenge with all how-to books is helping you move from head to hands—to get into action. I expanded each of the chapters that focus on implementing coaching through your day-to-day leadership role. The book was revised to incorporate our newer, more effective ways of teaching the content. These changes have made a big difference to our training participants, so I trust they will for you as well. I also added a sample coaching agreement and two other appendixes to address the steady stream of questions we receive about coaching training, coach certification, and the world’s largest coaching association, the International Coach Federation (ICF).

I was tempted to write much more, but the characteristics that made the first edition popular were that it’s practical and to the point. In our coaching workshops, I have the time to expand on everything in this book and you have the opportunity to practice it. I hope to meet you there one day.

Keith Webb

Founder & President of Creative Results Management

http://creativeresultsmanagement.com

Foreword

Twenty years ago, Christians were beginning to notice the emergence and relevance of coaching. Apart from the business world, however, few people knew what coaching involved and not much had been written so I decided to write an introductory coaching textbook. I worked on the project for months, reading everything I could find, interviewing successful Christian coaches and drawing on my own training as both a coach and a coachee.

From the beginning, however, I started getting requests for a shorter, more focused, highly practical overview of what coaching is and how it is done. For several years I have been intending to write such a book but not now. Keith Webb has done the job very well and produced a basic primer on coaching for ministry leaders, students and for anyone else who wants to know what coaching is and how it can be applied in our work.

This book brings a fresh perspective, beginning with helpful discussions about coaching mindsets, attitudes and values and ending with guidelines for stepping out and applying coaching to ourselves and to others. In between, the book is filled with practical examples and concise descriptions of coaching skills. The content is summarized concisely in the book’s full title: The COACH Model for Christian Leaders: Powerful Leadership Skills for Solving Problems, Reaching Goals, and Developing Others. Keith delivers admirably on the book title’s promise.

Unlike others who have written about coaching, Keith draws from his coach training seminars around the world. He has applied the principles described in his book, learned from experience how to teach them to others, and honed his skills and teaching through his work cross-culturally.

Unlike many others, including Christian coaches and trainers, Keith Webb does not buy into the humanistic foundations of the contemporary coaching movement. He makes frequent references to the role of the Holy Spirit in coaching and ties this in to his knowledge of scripture. In doing this, he does not give any watered-down version of coaching. In contrast he presents the core foundations and established principles of coaching and provides an overview that is very consistent with established coaching principles. Throughout the book he shows that “coaching is not about providing answers but about asking thoughtful questions.”

Unlike the days when I was writing my book, coaching has become better known and more acceptable. The value of coaching is being demonstrated, experienced and taught by pastors, missionaries, counselors, seminar leaders, and professors in colleges and seminaries. New training programs are making their appearance and books continue to be published, many of which say almost the same thing. Keith Webb’s book is different. I know it will appear on the required reading list in the coaching courses that I teach.

I am glad to give my enthusiastic recommendation to The COACH Model for Christian Leaders whether you are curious about coaching, a seasoned coach or just getting started.

Gary R. Collins, PhD

Author of Christian Coaching: Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality

1

Coaching Mindsets

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

—John 14:26

I have a serious illness. It afflicts many without regard to education, economics, or ethnicity. PhDs as well as factory workers suffer from it. It evenly attacks those everywhere—Africa, Asia, Europe, Middle East, and North & South America. People of faith are not immune. In fact, they may have a slightly higher rate of infection, but not by much. Sometimes those with no faith at all can exhibit the strongest symptoms of the illness. There are those who say the illness doesn’t exist—or if it does, it only exists in others.

It’s called know-it-all-ism.

Know-it-all-ism affects the ability of the mind to take in information and process it without prejudice. The illness causes blindness to opinions, answers, and solutions other than their own.

There are two strains of this infection: aggressive and passive. Both strains cause the infected person to believe their ideas are better than others’ and that they are correct. The difference between the strains of infection is in how this belief is expressed.

The symptoms of aggressive know-it-all-ism are:

• Quick to speak

• Listens until the other person takes a breath

• Has an answer for everything

• Wins arguments, but loses respect

The symptoms of passive know-it-all-ism are:

• An appearance of listening

• Maintains a smug facial expression

• Asks questions that subtly point out why the speaker is wrong

• Internally mocks or criticizes the speaker

Do these descriptions bring a couple of people to mind? People afflicted with know-it-all-ism are all around us. However, the ability to spot know-it-all-ism in others may be a sign that you yourself suffer from this illness. As you continue, try to read for your own benefit rather than for the purpose of fixing others.

Know-It-All-Ism Diagnosed

My first big leadership role began when the organization I worked with in Japan at the time appointed me as the Director of Church Multiplication. I was 28 years old and more than ready to go. I supervised seven American families that were tasked with planting new churches. Due to my illness of know-it-all-ism, my communication style relied heavily on advising. I regularly handed out advice in the form of ideas, suggestions, hints, speeches, teaching, and even prayer requests.

As I offered strategies regarding the ministries of the other families, I quickly discovered that my suggestions and help were not always welcomed or appreciated. Like me, they had their own ideas. I was taken aside and talked to several times over those first few years about “pushing my agenda,” “running over the feelings of others,” and not listening. “We have ideas too,” they informed me.

It wasn’t just that I was afflicted with know-it-all-ism, as a supervisor I also felt responsible for my teammates. I thought if I knew something would be helpful, it was my duty to tell them. To not say something would be irresponsible.

I was puzzled that my efforts to help were perceived as arrogant or dictatorial, and I was frustrated that even after I realized this was happening, I didn’t have other communication tools with which to help our group accomplish its goals.

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

—Winston Churchill

Changes in My Thinking

Three things happened that changed not only my communication skills, but also how I thought about leading other people.

First of all, I heard about a set of non-directive communication skills called coaching that help people find solutions and grow. Coaching involves listening to others, asking questions to deepen thinking, allowing others to find their own solutions, and doing it all in a way that makes people feel empowered and responsible enough to take action.

The problem was I was terrible at listening and asking questions. I already knew what people should do, or so I thought. Why did I need to ask them questions about things when I already knew the answer?

I was convinced that coaching skills were the key to getting people to accept my ideas and solutions, so I was motivated to learn. However, it didn’t feel genuine. I found that bringing others around to my conclusions by using questions was much more difficult than I imagined. (Obviously, I didn’t understand coaching.) Some of those I worked with may have felt manipulated, and rightly so. I quickly went back to telling people what I thought they should do. But being a good learner, I renamed my old practice “coaching.”

The Holy Spirit

The second thing that helped me change my way of thinking happened when I read a verse in the Gospel of John in which Jesus says this to his disciples,

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (14:26).

I was struck by the promise that the Holy Spirit will teach and remind. I thought my job as a leader was to teach and remind. Authority figures in my life had taught and reminded me—parents, teachers, mentors, and supervisors. My church had taught me to teach the truth and to confront error wherever I encountered it.

What did it mean to take Jesus’ instruction literally? How can I, as a leader who is responsible for others, not teach or remind?

A short time later, while finishing my master’s degree, I took a class with C. Peter Wagner. The class was about church multiplication, and one day Dr. Wagner told the class about the tremendous growth of African independent churches throughout central Africa during the 1980s. He showed graphs that illustrated the dramatic increase in church attendance during that period. Some of the largest churches in the world at that time were to be found in central Africa and were led by African leaders. These churches were not a part of a foreign denomination. Instead they were indigenous.

Someone in the back of the room raised his hand, stood up, and with an emotion-filled voice said, “But Dr. Wagner, some of these churches are largely heretical! Some of those African pastors are corrupt and extremely authoritarian. Their theology is a mix of animistic practices and Christianity. One of the largest of these independent churches doesn’t even believe in the deity of Jesus. How can you hold them up as an example of church growth?”

Dr. Wagner smiled and gave a little chuckle, then, stroking his pointy white goatee, he explained that it wasn’t until 325 A.D. that the Council of Nicaea agreed on the deity of Jesus, and another 75 years before they could describe the Trinity. It wasn’t until the Synod of Hippo in 393 A.D. that the Canon of Scripture as we have it now was settled.

“So,” he concluded, “if we can give the Holy Spirit a couple hundred years to work those things out with the early Church leaders, I think we can give Him a couple decades to work out any issues with our African brothers and sisters.”

Wow. I was shocked. I bristled and thought this was one of the most irresponsible statements I had ever heard. After all, as ministers, what is our job if it isn’t to make sure the Bible is taught and applied correctly? We have the Scriptures, our final authority of faith and action, and if a fellow believer is clearly believing or behaving in non-Biblical ways, shouldn’t we confront them with their error? I realized my high view of Scripture was not wrong, but my understanding and reliance on the Holy Spirit was weak.

I also felt convicted. If I was honest, I had to admit I didn’t trust the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit alone, to correct any problems in the African church. I incorrectly thought that God needed my help or the help of other Christians. This is surely the height of ministry arrogance. Dr. Wagner, on the other hand, trusted the Holy Spirit to do whatever God wanted without assistance from himself, seminary students, or the American church.

I learned two things about leadership responsibility:

1. It is not my responsibility to change others. The Holy Spirit can and will do it on His own—maybe with me but often without me.

2. It is not my responsibility to correct everything that I think is out of sync with Scripture, company policy, or best practices. The Spirit may choose to use me in this regard, or He may have other means or different timing in mind.

To someone afflicted with know-it-all-ism these realizations are nothing short of revolutionary. The pressure I felt to change people decreased, while my reliance on the Holy Spirit to make necessary changes increased. I continued to do my part by speaking up when appropriate, but with an attitude of looking for and joining God in His ongoing work.

The Cost of Advice

The final lesson that solidified my change of mindset happened after my family moved to Indonesia, the largest Muslim country in the world. Once there, I worked with indigenous Christian organizations serving in remote people groups of Indonesia. These groups were Muslim. As you can imagine, the radicals in these areas did not value a free-flow of ideas regarding belief in Jesus, instead they sought to keep out anything they viewed as competing with Islamic dominance. During my years in Indonesia, radicals detonated bombs in Bali and Jakarta, attacked Christian churches, and constantly threatened foreigners.

Against this backdrop, I began working with young Indonesian Christians who were eager to help alleviate poverty, teach children the national language, and to share the good news about Isa al Masih (Jesus the Messiah) with their countrymen. Most of these Indonesian believers were 18- to 21-year-olds with just a high school education and three months of Bible training.

They were eager to learn from me. They appreciated my ideas and wanted more. Even better, I found that they would go and do what I advised them to do. I thought, “Ah, finally someone who will listen to me!” I felt validated, important, and appreciated.

Even though, in my mind at least, I was careful to allow my Indonesian friends to make their own decisions, I gave them a lot of advice. They would go and implement a plan based on my recommendations and then come back to ask for the next steps. I would tell them that they needed to figure it out on their own, but somehow (without too much difficulty) they would get me to give them my advice on their situation. Then they would go do as I had advised.

Here’s where my next insight came from. I found that younger Americans, Australians or Europeans, being from egalitarian societies, would listen to me and take whatever part of my advice they found helpful and discard the rest. Indonesia, however, is a socially hierarchical society, where one listens to and follows the advice of someone of a higher status or position. So even though I told them they needed to do it their own way, my Indonesian friends would take my advice quite literally. They believed a good follower does what his or her teacher tells them to do—to not do so would be disrespectful.

One day as I reflected on this situation, I realized that my advice could get these young people killed, beaten, or run out of the villages where they served. Suddenly advice-giving had a huge price tag. Who was I to make life-and-death decisions for these people?

It wasn’t my place to make these decisions. Each person and team needed to hear from the Holy Spirit regarding his or her next steps. If the Holy Spirit directed them to go somewhere or to do something that resulted in persecution, then that was God’s will and He would see them through it. It was critical that they heard from God, not me.

Yet, as a person suffering from know-it-all-ism I wasn’t equipped with the communication skills necessary to cultivate their ability to hear from the Holy Spirit. I didn’t know how to draw out from them what they were hearing and experiencing and help them process all that information into steps that genuinely came from the Spirit.

What was I to do? Then I remembered the non-directive coaching I heard about years earlier. Out of desperation, I began to shift my role from advisor to coach. I focused on listening. I resisted making statements and giving advice. I bought a couple books and wrote down some key questions that I could ask in Indonesian. It was a very difficult process for me. Little by little, however, I made progress.

I write this book as a fellow learner, someone not naturally gifted in listening, asking questions, drawing out, or empowering. I’ve learned valuable coaching skills that have transformed my interactions with other people. Ideas and advice still come to my mind, but I’ve learned how to control the urge to tell people what to do and instead, I now can use questions to draw out their thoughts and ideas.

In some ways I’m the last guy that should be writing about coaching skills, because I’m so unnatural at it—and still to this day I am predisposed to offer advice. However, because I’m not natural in these skills, I’ve had to find ways to learn them.

As my colleagues and I have taught these skills, we’ve seen thousands of people learn to improve their ability to lead in empowering, non-directive ways by listening, asking questions, and helping people form their own answers rather than providing them.

This process has been a long but incredibly rewarding journey. I hope you’ll join me as we take a more in-depth look at what it means to coach others.

2

What It Really Means To Coach

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

—Proverbs 20:5

Coaching is like a quest. It is a journey to discover the unknown, and it’s the unknown that makes it an adventure. In coaching we embark on a quest by using questions in conversations. When you ask coaching questions, you journey to the unknown. It’s risky to go on a quest. The unknown plays on our fears as well as our imagination. That can feel uncomfortable. In asking questions, you never know where the answer might take you, because you don’t know how the other person will respond.

Not only are you on a quest, the person being asked the questions also embarks on a journey through reflecting on the questions. They discover new things as well. Questions cause people to think in new ways and from new perspectives. We combine several things we often “already knew” and end up in a new place, with new perspective.

Noble quests are for the sake of someone else. Answers should come from the recipient of the question, not the asker. If the asker uses questions to lead the person somewhere, it is not a true quest. Asking questions allows both coach and coachee to journey into the unknown to discover what God has prepared.

Why All The Confusion About Coaching?

There’s a lot of confusion about what exactly coaching is and how to effectively coach. Coaching is an unregulated field. Anyone can, and many do, call themselves a coach.

A friend of mine met a woman at a party who said she was a Life Coach. My friend asked her, “Where did you train to be a Life Coach?” The woman answered, “Well, in life!” As a Professional Certified Coach and coach instructor, I groan when I hear this response because without special coaching training, rather than asking questions in a discovery process, she most likely gives her clients advice about their lives. The popular image of a Life Coach, and many sports coaches for that matter, is pretty much the opposite of what coaching has become.

Coaching isn’t about teaching someone what we know.

Coaching is about helping people to learn.

The largest coaching association in the world is the International Coach Federation (ICF). The ICF has established a body of best practices that define what effective coaching is and isn’t. The type of coaching you’ll learn in this book, while built from a distinctly Christian theology and worldview and tested in ministry since 2004, aligns with the ICF.

Coaching Defined

How you define coaching reveals much about the values, mindset, and approach you bring to working with other people. You will act in accordance with your beliefs. In this book, I define coaching by its practice and its results:

Coaching is an ongoing intentional conversation that empowers a person or group to fully live out God’s calling.

Let’s pull this definition apart and take a look at each concept.

Coaching is an ongoing …

If you use coaching skills as part of your everyday leadership, coaching will increase the effectiveness of your one-time, short, spontaneous conversations. For much deeper transformation, coaching is most successful over a period of time, through regular interactions. Many leaders choose to coach for 30-minutes to an hour every two weeks over a period of several months, or on-the-job through short conversations throughout the week. The regularity of coaching conversations makes a huge impact on your results.

… intentional conversation …

“Intentional” does not refer to a pre-determined outcome. Every conversation is expected to produce Spirit-led discoveries, insights, and action steps. A coaching methodology utilizes proce