Do you feel that way about every person in that group?” 2. Ask the person to consider whether their statements are consistent with their generally positive selfimage, e.g. “I’m surprised to
Your response should be no fewer than 250 words in length, but no more than 500 please
*** Begin by describing what the issues are with the exchange, from your point of view, and which identity you’re assuming as you prepare your script of what you would say. (Are you the victim at whom the hurtful words were directed or are you someone else, a third party in the scene?) Here are some potentially helpful strategies: 1. Use questions such as “Why do you say that?” and “Do you feel that way about every person in that group?” 2. Ask the person to consider whether their statements are consistent with their generally positive selfimage, e.g. “I’m surprised to hear you say that, because I’ve always thought of you as someone who is very open-minded.” 3. Put the emphasis on how the statement makes you feel (e.g. “It makes me uncomfortable to hear that”) rather than how to behave (e.g. “That’s not how you should be speaking at the Thanksgiving dinner table.” 4. Approach the other person with respect rather than self-righteous indignation, e.g. “How dare you say that?” Other considerations: 5. Is the most effective response an immediate one, or is it better to wait? 6. Are public responses more effective than private responses? 7. Are there situations in which it is best not to respond? Would confrontation or dialogue with the aggressor somehow make things worse for the target? 8. What is lost or risked if you just let the remark go, and assume the posture, “Nothing I say would make a difference” or “It’s not my place to say anything?”
*** Scenario 1. Stuart and Rosalind are hosting a holiday dinner at their home in Windsor, Ontario. They are both adults of British descent. Several family members, both immediate and extended, are gathered together for the meal. Among the guests, Rosalind’s niece, Sharon, and her husband Jeremiah are present with their three children. Jeremiah is a Canadian of African descent, and their children, 17, 15, and 12, are of mixed heritage. Sharon is letting family members know that Bryce, her eldest son, had a recent negative encounter with two police officers when he and a friend were walking home from an athletic team practice at the high school recently. They were scared when the police car suddenly stopped beside them and one of the officers started yelling. Both young men were pressured to produce their identification and made to stand in the cold while the officers checked them out, evidently in conjunction with a search for suspects related to a recent case. As Sharon talks, her son Bryce is silent, staring at his plate, but Sharon is upset and vocal about the incident. Stuart laughs, waves his hand at Sharon, and responds, “You’re watching too much American TV! Don’t get caught up in all that fake news. I’ve lived in Windsor all my life and everybody gets along just fine here.” Stuart turns his attention to Bryce. “Young man, you must have fit the description of whoever the police needed to find. You should probably stop wearing all those baggy clothes and that big hair anyway, if you want to stay out of trouble.” Bryce looks at his parents. They look back at him, then everyone looks at Uncle Stuart. Awkward silence ensues. *** Aggressor: Stuart Target: Bryce Responder: You may assume the role of Bryce, Sharon or Jeremiah, or another family member who has witnessed this exchange. In your answer, be sure to identify the point of view from which you are speaking.
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