Poem Peace, joy knowing how to decide, Without any fear and without fear

Help me come with titles for the 2 poems

and then down i would like you to take a look at my poems and help me fix the poems with the feedback that i was given to apply on to my poems basically help me make a correction my the poems

Exercise 1: Poem

Peace, joy knowing how to decide,

Without any fear and without fear:

 

 

Knowing how to say no, dare and choose,

 

 

Build, undertake and build.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It takes so little,

 

A little courage if I dare.

 

Life is not always easy,

 

But just raise your head,

 

To face certain adversities,

 

With great sincerity.

 

 

 

 

Follow your heart, your thoughts,

 

your choices and your own ideas.

 

It is then and only ,that one becomes an actor of their life.

 

 

 

Feedback to exercise 1: Poem

 

Thank you for sharing such a sweet yet powerful poem with us, Fatima! I liked the repetition of certain phrases throughout (“build, undertake and build,” “it takes so little,/ a little courage if I dare”) as well as the rhyme you sprinkle in (adversities / sincerity). The wisdom of your words and the closing line especially are beautiful!

 

I was confused by the line “Without any fear and without fear:”, and wasn’t sure if it was maybe a typo since it repeats almost the same thing. 

 

I would consider the way you’re using punctuation throughout. I think some of the periods or commas give extra emphasis to certain lines, but I don’t know if you necessarily need them every time, though – poetic language allows you to break out of the more standard sentence-level grammar should you choose to. I would also pay attention to capitalizing the beginning of each line. I know that documents will often have that as automatic formatting, but make sure that is an intentional choice on your part if you want your poem to read that way!

 

These are all just my thoughts, so experiment and see how you like them, but also feel free to reject them. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise 2: Poem

 

 

 

If the night verse with death

forgetfulness will 

 

prove you wrong

If death defies your boredom

 

Don’t give him your soul and your life

 

To boredom, to death

 

 

 

To life, to desire

 

 

senseless

 

 

speculations

 

 

When the mask falls

 

 

Only emotions will remain

 

 

 

 

An illusion for your smiles,

 

fade

 

Then smile

 

The mask does not suit

 

Only to those able to deprive themselves of it.

 

 

 

Feedback 

 

Fatima, wow!! This is a really haunting poem with so much great imagery in here. Some of my favorite lines were about the mask metaphor – “When the mask falls / Only emotions will remain” and “An illusion for your smiles, / fade” are so powerful. I also loved the shorter lines that give it a sort of falling rhythm and a sense of seriousness, as well as the alliteration of the S sounds in “senseless / speculations.”

 

I was confused by the opening line, “If the night verse with death,” maybe because I had a hard time picturing what you meant by that. I also absolutely love the ending lines, but was a little lost about those too – wouldn’t the mask more so suit the people who still wear it? The people who have deprived themselves of it would be the ones free from the illusion, right? I think both of these lines are still strong but need a little tweaking to get your message across.

 

Other than that, I think adding a title would really strengthen your piece too to give us a deeper sense of your intentions.

 

Great work, and thank you for sharing it with me!!

 

 

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