And then down i would like you to take a look at my poems and help me fix the poems with the feedback that i was given to apply on to my poems basically help me make a correction my the poems

Help me come with titles for the 2 poems

And then down i would like you to take a look at my poems and help me fix the poems with the feedback that i was given to apply on to my poems basically help me make a correction my the poems

Exercise 3: poem 

Summer is coming

I’m already packing

Soft feelings of sand and fresh water

I’m spending summer in the motherland

I’m feeling excited to go back to my land

Only few hours before i land

I know its going to be fun !

Because there is always the sun

I lOve AfricA !

Feedback to Exercise 3: poem 

Fatima, this is such a short and sweet poem that really made me smile! I thought it was great that you used rhyme both at the ends of lines and internally (for instance, “sand” in the middle of the line rhymed with “motherland” at the end of the next).

I love the imagery of “soft feelings of sand and fresh water.” When you say “I’m feeling excited to go back to my land,” is there any imagery or language you could use to describe your excitement for the reader instead of just telling them? I think that would make it a little richer, since the whole rest of the poem I was able to visualize the way everything was unfolding.

I also think creating a title for this piece would tie it all together – maybe “I Love Africa”? 🙂

Excellent work, and thank you for sharing with us!!

Exercise 4: poem 

Time comes and goes,

  Mother nature dresses in it,

              memories are still there.

Feedback to Exercise 4: poem 

Fatima, I really enjoyed reading this poem. It feels like a larger metaphor that could apply to several things. I especially love the line “Mother nature dresses in it,” which was so unique and attention-grabbing. I also loved the spacing of the lines away from the margins, which almost made it look like a waterfall on the page.

This doesn’t quite fit the syllable counts for a haiku, if you were going for 5/7/5 – the first line had 4, the second 8, and the third had 6. It did make a neat rhythm on its own, since they are all even-numbered counts – I just wanted to point that out in case it wasn’t intentional.

I also think adding an original title to this would add another layer to your poem and really make it your own.

Beautiful work – you should be proud!