He looked attentively at her where she sat on the sofa. appraisingly, and with a kind of aversion which he tried to control.
waiting, Esperanza no longer young, Esperanza the efficient, the literal-minded. the intensely acquisitive. He looked attentively at her where she sat on the sofa. appraisingly, and with a kind of aversion which he tried to control. She was one of those fortunate women who have the gift of uniformly acceptable appearance. She never surprised one with unexpected homeliness nor with startling reserves of beauty. At home, in church, on the street, she was always herself, a woman post first bloom, light and clear of complexion, spare of arms and of breast, with a slight convexity to thin throat: a woman dressed with self—conscious care, even elegance: a woman distinctly not average. She was pursuing an indignant relation ab0ut something or other, something ab0ut Calixta, their note—carrier, Alfredo perceived. so he merely half- listened, understanding imperfectly. At a pause he drawled out to fill in the gap: "Well, what of it?" The remark sounded ruder than he had intended. "She is not married to him," Esperanza insisted in her thin, nervously pitched voice. "Besides, she should have thought of us. Nanay practically brought her up. We never thought she would turn out bad." What had Calixto done? Homely, middle—aged Calixta? "You are very positive abOut her badness." he commented dryly. Esperanza was always positive. "But do you approve?" "Of what?" "What she did." "No," in differently. "Well?" He was suddenly impelled by a desire to disturb the uhvexed orthodoxy at her mind. "All I say is that it is not necessarily wicked." "Why shouldn’t it be? Y0u talked like an–immora| man. I did not know that yOur ideas were like that." "My ideas?" he retorted, gooded by a deep. accumulated exasperation. ‘The only test I wish to apply to conduct is the test of fairness. Am I injuring anybody? No? Then I am justified in my conscience. I am right. Living with a man to whom she is not married——is that it? It may be wrong. and again it may not." "She has injured us. She was ungrateful." Her voice was tight with resentment. ‘The trouble with you, Esperanza, is that you are—" he stopped. appalled by the passion in his voice. "Why do you get angry? I do not understand you at all! I think I know why you have been indifferent to me lately. I am not blind, or deaf; I see and hear what perhaps some are trying to keep from me." The blood surged into his very eyes and his hearing sharpened to points of acute pain. What would she say next? "Why don’t you speak but frankty before if is too late? You need not think of me and of what people will say." Her voice trembled. Alfredo was suffering as he cauld not remember ever having suffered before. What people will say—what will they not say? What don’t they say when long engagements are broken almost on the eve of the wedding? "Yes," he said hesitatingly. diffidently, as if merely thinking aloud. "one tries to be fair——according to his lights——but it is hard. One would like to be fair to one’s self first. But that is too easy. one does not dare——" "What do you mean?" she asked with repressed violence. "Whatever my shortcomings. and no doubt they are many in your eyes. I have never gone out of my way. of my place, to find a man." Did she mean by this irrelevant remark that he it was who had sought her: or was that a cavert attack on Julia Salas? "Esperanza–" a desperate plea toy in his stumbling words. "If yaw-suppose l–" Yet how could a mere man word such a plea? "If you mean you want to take back y0ur word, if you are tired of–why don’t you tell me you are tired of me?" she burst out in a storm of weeping that left him completely shamed and unnerved. The last word had been said. 7/ 9 AS Alfredo Salazar leaned against the boat rail to watch the evening settling over the lake, he wondered if Esperanza w0uld attribute any significance to this trip of his. He was supposed to be in
lived farther Out. It was past eight, and Esperanza would be expecting him in a little while: yet the thought did not hurry him as he said "Good evening" and fell into step with the girl. "I had been thinking all this time that you had gone." he said in a voice that was both excited and traubled. "No. my sister asked me to stay until they are ready to go." "Oh, is the Judge going?" n "Yes. The provincial docket had been cleared. and Judge del Valle had been assigned elsewhere. As lawyer– and as lever-Alfredo had found that out long before. "Mr. Salazar," she broke into his silence. "I wish to congratulate you." Her tone told him that she had learned. at last. That was inevitable. "For what?" "For your approaching wedding." Some explanation was due her. surely. Yet what could he say that would not offend? "I should have offered congratulations long before, but you know mere visitors are slow about getting the news." she continued. He listened not so much to what she said as to the nuances in her voice. He heard nothing to enlighten him. except that she had reverted to the formal tones of early acquaintance. No revelation there; simply the old voice–cool. almost detached from personality. flexible and vibrant, suggesting potentialities of song. "Are weddings interesting to you?" he finally brought out quietly "When they are of friends, yes." "Would you come if I asked you?" "When is it going to be?" "May," he replied briefly. after a long pause. "May is the month of happiness they say." she said. with what seemed to him a shade of irony. ‘They say." slowly. indifferently. "Would you come?" "Why not?" "No reason, I am just asking. Then you will?" "If you will ask me." she said with disdain. ‘Then I ask you." ‘Then I will be there’ The gravel road lay before them: at the roads end the lighted windows of the house on the hill. There swept ever the spirit of Alfredo Salazar a longing so keen that it was pain. a wish that. that house were his. that all the bewilderments of the present were not. and that this woman by his side were his long wedded wife. returning with him to the peace of home. "Julita." he said in his slaw. thoaghtful manner. "did you ever have to choose between something you wanted to do and something you had to do?" "N o!" "I thought maybe you had had that experience: then you could understand a man who was in such a situation." "You are fortunate." he pursued when she did not answer. "ls–is this man sure of what he should do?" "I don’t know. Julita. Perhaps not. But there is a point where a thing escapes us and rushes downward of its own weight. dragging us along. Then it is foolish to ask whether one will or will not. because it no longer depends on him." “But then why–why–" her muffled voice came. "Oh, what do I know? That is his problem after all." "Doesn’t it–interest you?" "Why must it? l–| have to say good-bye. Mr. Salazar: we are at the house." without lifting her eyes she quickly turned and walked away. Had the final word been said? He wondered. It had. Yet a feeble flutter of hope trembled in his mind though set against that hope were three years of engagement. 0 very near wedding. perfect understanding between the parents. his own conscience. and Esperanza herseli–Esperanza
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