Being With Others: Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood
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Chapter Eleven
Being With Others: Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Introduction
What would it be like to go through life alone?
What are some similarities between friendships and love relationships?
Why do some people choose not to marry?
What percentage of marriages end in divorce?
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11.1 Relationships
Learning Objectives
What types of friendships do adults have? How do adult friendships develop?
What is love? How does it develop through adulthood?
What is the nature of abuse in some relationships?
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Friendships, Part 1
Friendships are of major importance in adolescence and young adulthood, but continue to be important throughout life
Characterized by being predominantly based on feelings and reciprocity
Less emotionally intense than a love relationship, and involve less sexual energy
Having good friendships boosts self-esteem
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Friendships, Part 2
Adult friendships go through the stages of acquaintanceship, buildup, continuation, deterioration, and ending (ABCDE model)
People tend to have more friends and acquaintances in young adulthood than at any other time of life
Life transitions (getting married, etc.) result in fewer friends and less contact with the friendships you do maintain
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Friendships, Part 3
The quality of friendship networks in people ages 25-74 is improving in the online age
Heavy Internet users tend to have the most friends both online and offline
Are online friendships “real” friendships?
Require trust
Online friendships can get stronger, and have the same cycles as traditional friendships
Conducive environment for shy people
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Friendships, Part 4
Despite concerns, social networking websites such as Facebook have not reduced the quality of friendships.
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Friendships, Part 5
Differences exist in men’s and women’s relationships
Women focus on emotional sharing and confiding in others
Women can be unhappy even with a large number of friends, since friendships can be demanding
Men focus on around shared activities/interests
Men tend to have a small number of very close friends
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Friendships, Part 6
Can a man and woman just be friends?
Men with cross-sex friendships show lower dating anxiety and a higher capacity for intimacy
Third parties (spouses, etc.) may misperceive these friendships and discourage them
Men overperceive and women underperceive their friend’s sexual interest in them
Maintaining friendships once one person is married or in an exclusive relationship is difficult
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Love Relationships, Part 1
Three basic components of love:
Passion: intense physiological desire for other
Intimacy: sharing all thoughts/actions with other
Commitment: willingness to stay with other through good times and bad
Early on, passion is high and intimacy and commitment are low (infatuation)
As love grows, passion and intimacy decline but commitment increases
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Love Relationships, Part 2
Assortative mating: theory that states that people find partners based on their similarity to each other
Education levels, physical attractiveness, religion, etc.
Meeting at school are likely to result in similarities
Speed dating allows for meeting several people in a short time period
Practiced mostly by young adults
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Love Relationships, Part 3
One in five couples in the U.S. meet online
Physical attractiveness still strongly influences the selection of partners initially
How does physical attractiveness affect online dating?
First impressions are driven mainly by the perceived attractiveness of the person’s photo
Secure romantic attachments are the norm in 80% of the world’s cultures
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Love Relationships, Part 4
Global patterns exist in mate selection and romantic relationships
Culture is a force in shaping mate selection
In some cultures (e.g., China), people tend to choose based on the status hierarchy
Access to good healthcare, education, and other resources tends to lead to more secure romantic attachments
95% of Indian marriages are arranged; matchmaking also common in Muslim countries
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Violence in Relationships, Part 1
Abusive relationship: a relationship in which one person becomes aggressive towards the partner
Battered woman syndrome: when a woman believes that she cannot leave an abusive situation and may even go as far as to kill her abuser
Many college students report experiencing abuse in a dating relationship
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Violence in Relationships, Part 2
The continuum of aggressive behaviors toward a partner:
Verbal aggression
Physical aggression
Severe aggression
Murder
Underlying causes of aggressive behaviors differ as the type of aggressive behaviors change
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Violence in Relationships, Part 3
Behavior | Example | Causes |
Verbal Aggression | Insults, Yelling, Name-calling | Need to control, Misuse of power, Jealousy, Marital discord |
Physical Aggression | Pushing, Slapping, Shoving | Accepts violence as a means of control, Modeling of physical aggression, Abused as a child, Aggressive personality styles, Alcohol Abuse, plus previously listed. |
Severe Aggression | Beating, Punching, Hitting with object | Personality disorders, Emotional lability, Poor self-esteem, plus previously listed. |
Murder | Empty cell | All previously listed causes. |
Figure 11.2 Continuum of progressive behaviors in abusive relationships.
Source: O’Leary, K. D. (1993). Through a psychological lens: Personality traits, personality disorders, and levels of violence. In R. J. Gelles & D. R. Loseke (Eds.), Current controversies on family violence (pp. 7–30). Copyright © 1993 by Sage Publications. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Violence in Relationships, Part 4
5 million women and 3 million men experience partner-related physical assaults or rape annually in the U.S.
10%-69% of women worldwide report being sexually abused or raped
Men are victims of relationship violence at 1/3 the rate of women in the U.S.
Relationship violence also occurs in gay and lesbian relationships
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Violence in Relationships, Part 5
International data indicate that rates of abuse are higher in cultures that emphasize female purity, male status, and family honor
Despite the availability of women’s shelters and counseling, some women still live in fear of abuse from their husbands
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11.2 Lifestyles
Learning Objectives
Why do some people decide to remain single, and what are these people like?
What are the characteristics of cohabiting people?
What are gay and lesbian relationships like?
What is marriage like through the course of adulthood?
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Singlehood, Part 1
An overwhelming majority of men and women ages 20-24 are single
There are numerous stereotypes and biases against single people
Men tend to marry at a later age than women
Fewer men remain single
Have a larger age range of partners to choose from
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Singlehood, Part 2
Ethnic differences in singlehood exist
Young adult African Americans are twice as likely to be single as young European Americans
Singlehood increasing among Latino Americans
Cultural implications of singlehood exist
Example: Muslim Malaysian women believe they are single because God has decided that they should not meet their mate at this time
For most people, the decision to never marry is a gradual one
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Cohabitation, Part 1
Cohabitation: people in committed, intimate, sexual relationships living together but not married
Increasingly popular in the U.S. and other Western societies
Why cohabit?
Test the relationship for potential marriage, convenience, and/or an alternative to marriage
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Cohabitation, Part 2
Type of Union | 1995 Percentage | 2002 Percentage | 2006 to 2010 Percentage |
No union | 28 | 27 | 29 |
Cohabitation | 34 | 43 | 30 |
Marriage | 39 | 30 | 23 |
Figure 11.3 Type of first unions among women age 15 to 44: United States, 1995, 2002, and 2006–2010.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention/National Center for Health Statistics. National Survey of Family Growth, 1995, 2002, and 2006–2010, and Table 1 of this report.
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Cohabitation, Part 3
Global differences in cohabitation
Extremely common in some European countries (e.g., 99% of people in Sweden live together before marriage)
Does cohabitation make marriages better?
Evidence shows no — may actually result in lower-quality marriages
Examples: European American women with children prior to marriage; those “testing” their relationship
Behavior rarely changes after cohabitation
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Gay and Lesbian Couples, Part 1
Gay and lesbian relationships have many similarities with heterosexual relationships
Dual earners; share household chores; etc.
Gay men separate love and sex much like heterosexual men
Lesbians connect sex and emotional intimacy
Make commitments; cohabit more quickly
More likely to be different on demographic characteristics than heterosexual couples
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Gay and Lesbian Couples, Part 2
Gay and lesbian couples report receiving less support from family
Attitudes are changing at a societal level
Same-sex marriage is now legal in the U.S.
Inheritance rights
Able to visit loved ones in a hospital
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Marriage, Part 1
Figure 11.4 Median age at first marriage in the United States has increased slightly more for women than for men since 1970.
Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey.
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Marriage, Part 2
Marital success: refers to any marital outcome
Marital quality: subjective measure of a marriage based on several dimensions
Marital adjustment: degree to which husbands and wives accommodate each other over a certain period
Marital satisfaction: a global assessment of a person’s marriage
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Marriage, Part 3
What predicts a successful marriage?
Age: the younger the partners are (especially teens-early 20s), the greater the chances it will end in divorce
Homogamy: sharing similar values and interests increases the likelihood of the marriage lasting
Feeling of equality in the marriage
Exchange theory: marriage is based on each partner contributing something to the relationship that the other would be hard-pressed to provide
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Marriage, Part 4
Do married couples stay happy?
Figure 11.5 Marital satisfaction is highest early on and in later life, dropping off during the childrearing years.
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Marriage, Part 5
When there is unequal dependence in the marriage, stress and conflict are likely
Learning to deal with changing patterns in the marriage is the key to longevity and happiness
Marital satisfaction varies widely
How a couple reacts to stresses and changes in the marriage determine whether they will stay married or get divorced
See Fig. 11.6
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Marriage, Part 6
Figure 11.6 The vulnerability–stress–adaptation model shows how adapting to vulnerabilities and stress can result in either adaptation or dissolution of the marriage.
Source: From “Keeping marriages healthy, and why it’s so difficult,” by B. R. Karney.
© American Psychological Association 2010.
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Marriage, Part 7
How should the early stages of marriage be approached?
Adjust to the different expectations and perceptions that each person has for the other
Learn to handle confrontation and resolve conflict
Parenthood causes stress and leaves less time to focus on the marriage
Childless couples also experience a decline in marital satisfaction; disillusionment is likely
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Marriage, Part 8
If a military spouse believes that deployment will make the marriage stronger, it is likely to become stronger
Young married military couples face special types of stress on their relationship.
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Marriage, Part 9
How do you keep a marriage happy?
Good stress- and conflict-resistance strategies can make a couple’s bond stronger even after serious problems
Keep the romance in the relationship
Share religious beliefs and spirituality
Clear and honest communication of thoughts, actions, and feelings, especially when dealing with stressful areas of the relationship
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11.3 The Family Life Cycle, Part 1
Learning Objectives
What are the common forms of families?
Why do people have children?
What is it like to be a parent? What differences are there in types of parenting?
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The Family Life Cycle, Part 2
Nuclear family: type of family consisting only of parents and children
Most common in Western societies
Extended family: grandparents and other relatives live with parents and children
Most common worldwide
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Deciding Whether to Have Children, Part 1
Research shows that potential parents do not think deeply about the decision of whether or not to have children
Benefits of becoming pregnant:
Children add affection, improve family ties, and add a sense of immortality and accomplishment
One concern of having children
Expenses
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Deciding Whether to Have Children, Part 2
Reasons adults are child-free include personal choice, financial instability, and infertility
Childless couples tend to have higher marital satisfaction, more freedom, and higher standards of living
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
The Parental Role, Part 1
Average age of women at time of first childbirth has been rising
Currently 26 years of age in the U.S.
Many women postponing children due to marrying later, establishing careers, etc.
Older parents tend to spend more time with their children and be more supportive
Parenting skills must be learned
Disagreements over division of labor can result
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The Parental Role, Part 2
Ethnic background plays a role
African American husbands more likely to help with household chores; African American parents tend to provide strong religious beliefs and a proud cultural heritage
Tribal Native Americans spend considerable time imparting cultural values that are very different from those that European Americans have
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The Parental Role, Part 3
Ethnic background (cont’d.)
Latino American families promote two key values
Familism: the idea that the family’s well-being takes precedence over the concerns of individual family members
Extended family: relatives often provide child care and financial support
Asian Americans also often value familism and extended family
Children are expected to obtain good grades, maintain discipline, and show conformity
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The Parental Role, Part 4
What challenges do multiethnic families have?
Discrimination and prejudiced behavior from others
Worries that children may be rejected by both racial communities
Mothers play a key role in establishing their children’s cultural identity
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The Parental Role, Part 5
More than 40% of mothers in the U.S. are unwed
How do single parents and their children get by?
Parents experience feelings of frustration and guilt
Financial difficulties, especially for single mothers
Parents feel insecure about dating and sexuality
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The Parental Role, Part 6
For stepparents, adoptive parents, and foster parents, concerns exist over bonding with a child that is not biologically theirs
Stepchildren often experience behavioral and emotional problems
Allow stepchildren to develop a relationship with the stepparent at their own pace
Adoptive parents must acknowledge that adopted children may want to seek their biological parents
Challenge with children adopted from another culture
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The Parental Role, Part 7
Foster parents may not be able to establish bonds due to time constraints
Good foster care still important in developing attachments
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11.4 Divorce and Remarriage
Learning Objectives
Who gets divorced? How does divorce affect parental relationships with children?
What are remarriages like? How are they similar to and different from first marriages?
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Divorce, Part 1
Country | 1990 percentage of marriage that end in divorce | 1995 percentage of marriage that end in divorce | 2000 percentage of marriage that end in divorce | 2005 percentage of marriage that end in divorce | 2008 percentage of marriage that end in divorce | 2011 percentage of marriage that end in divorce |
United States | 49 | 50 | 50 | 49 | 54 | 54 |
Japan | 22 | 26 | 34 | 38 | 1 | 35 |
France | 38 | 48 | 38 | 50 | 38 | 55 |
Germany | 30 | 40 | 47 | 58 | 39 | 49 |
Italy | 9 | 9 | 12 | 19 | 10 | 25 |
Sweden | 41 | 53 | 50 | 49 | 42 | 47 |
United Kingdom | 49 | 68 | 55 | 45 | 55 | 47 |
Figure 11.7 The United States has one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
Source: From “Marriage and divorce,” by National Center for Health Statistics, 2010, and from “Divorces and crude divorce rates by urban/rural residence: 2004–2008,” by United Nations, 2010.
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Divorce, Part 2
Why do couples get divorced?
Early divorce usually preceded with negative emotions during conflict
Later divorce usually a result of a lack of positive emotions
Covenant marriage: expands the marriage contract to a lifelong commitment between the partners within a supportive community
Controversial approach designed to prevent divorce
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Divorce, Part 3
How does divorce affect the couple?
Feelings of disappointment, rejection, etc.
“Divorce hangover”: difficult to transition to post-divorce life
Middle-aged and elderly women are at a disadvantage for remarrying
Many divorced women experience difficult financial hardships
© 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved.
Divorce, Part 4
What happens to children after a divorce?
Custody tends to be awarded to the mother
Many fathers wish to remain active in their children’s lives, but custody and child support laws make it difficult to do so
Collaborative divorce: an alternative resolution process for couples who want to negotiate a solution
Long-lasting negative effects for children experiencing divorce at any age
Poorer relations with parents; difficulties in their own romantic relationships
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Remarriage
Divorced people typically wait about 3½ years before they remarry
S
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