Explain, in a sentence or two, how the introduction of the essay introduces the problem. The introduction clearly states the unsafe practice of a
help teacher feedback – on the right track for this paper but add topic sentences, complete sentences, and documented research support for all BPs
PEER REVIEW QUESTIONS – please respond in a different color font or in bold black to each of the questions below.
Essay Introduction Questions:
1. Explain, in a sentence or two, how the introduction of the essay introduces the problem. The introduction clearly states the unsafe practice of abortion.
2. Find and copy and paste the thesis below.
· Does the thesis appear as the last sentence in the essay's first paragraph? There is a problem but no solution
· Explain if the thesis is manageable and convinces you by either explaning why the problem is in need of solution or how to solve the problem. The thesis states the problem that is occurring, but I don’t believe it provides a solution to the problem.
· If any element of the thesis mentioned here is missing, please remark accordingly in your review. I believe the solutions is missing from the thesis statement
Background Paragraph (second paragraph):
1. Explain, in a sentence or two, how the author gives more depth about the history of the problem. More history could be added but the author does use sources to back up the problem. A good amount of sources are used and fit the paragraphs ideas.
· Comment on the way the author elaborates. Do you feel like you fully understand the depth and/or gravity of the problem? Yes, I feel like I understand the gravity of the problem. I do think more background could be used to elaborate more.
2. Identify and describe the evidence that the author gives to support the background knowledge regarding the problem
· What resources does the author use to support his/her evidence? The author uses (Erdman et al., 2020).
· Does the author cite the resouce according to APA in-text citations? Yes See OWL at Purdue for help with in-text citations in APA style.
Solutions Paragraph(s) (third, fourth, and maybe even fifth paragraph):
1. Identify and summarize, in a couple of sentences, the solutions that the author provides to the problem. The author’s solution is that the law should provide protection to unborn children. An unborn child should be treated like a born child.
2. Identify and summarize, in a couple of sentences, the advantages and disadvantages the author provides for each solution. I think a disadvantage is that the law of abortion has gone both ways and no matter what the law says people will continue to do as the please. It may sound good on paper to have that protection, but people find a way around the law.
Conclusion Paragraph:
1. Explain if the author rephrases–and not restates–the thesis in the final paragraph. The thesis at the end is stronger. It states the authors problem and the solution.
2. Identify and explain, in a sentence, the best solution the author provides in the final paragraph. Address why s/he says it is the best solution. If the best solution is not present, please comment accordingly in your review. Both born and unborn children should be accorded equal protection of the law. This is the best solution because some people can’t find a way around the law, and some will be punished for their actions. You cant break the law in a medical hospital, where the procedure would get done at.
Organization and Structure of Essay:
1. Explain whether or not each paragraph focuses on one main idea. Each paragraph does focus on one main idea.
2. Identify and copy/paste the topic sentences for each paragraph. Refer to this resource for help. Comment accordingly if topic sentences are missing.
the principle of the right to privacy
the issue of whether or to what extent abortion should be legalized
Different countries in the world have enacted various laws allowing abortion
Both born and unborn children should be accorded equal protection of the law.
3. Explain whether each paragraph concludes by wrapping up the thoughts in the paragraph. Point out any paragraphs that don't have a concluding sentence. Refer to this resource for help on elements of a solid paragraph. I think each paragraph wraps up each thought.
Grammar & Mechanics:
1. Point out any fragments in the essay. Refer to this resource for help. I don’t see any fragments in the essay.
2. Point out any comma splices or run-ons in the essay. Refer to this resource for help. Commas are used appropriately, and I don’t see any run-ons.
,
Essay Details
Submitted review on: 5/24/2022 4:42:14 PM
Reviewed by: Ilia M
Topic of essay: The Abortion Controversy leading to women resorting to unsafe methods of abortion.
Where are you in the writing process: I think I'm on track but ready for feedback
Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence construction
Presession Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF
1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not appear to be
relevant, is not clearly defined, or
lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement is present
and clear. The focal point is not
consistently maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the position,
premise, or hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the paper for the
most part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly and concisely
states the position, premise, or
hypothesis and is consistently the
focal point throughout the paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Where was the thesis?? Your thesis should be in the beginning of the paper with a clear, concise statement outlining your main point and primary subpoints. In your paper, it was unclear which was the thesis. Additionally, and perhaps because there was no central organization to the paper in the form of the thesis, the paper was disorganized and lacking in flow, cohesion, and/or any clear objective. See resources in links for help—once you know how to write a clear thesis, the rest of your paper will be much better, clearer, and more readable. It is also required in academic writing.
Even where it looked like you had one toward the end, you contradicted yourself multiple times. Consider starting over and using an outline before writing.
Thesis statement help resources:
What’s a thesis?
View Resource
Developing ideas target feedback:
There needs to be a logical progression of ideas for the reader to follow your thinking and research. Instead, you kept restating unimportant and subjective ideas while barely going beyond the surface or adding any useful info to support your points, when you had any to make. I strongly suggest starting over and doing more research. Even the items you cited added nothing new.
Also, avoid allornone statements or large claims about whole swaths of society. They’re almost never true and are generally impossible to substantiate, which results in discrediting your paper more generally. Be specific.
Developing ideas resources:
Developing ideas in writing (prewriting)
View Resource
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical organization. It shows
some coherence but ideas lack unity.
Developing
Writing is coherent and logically organized.
Some points remain misplaced and stray
from the topic. Transitions evident but not
used throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and logically organized
with transitions used between ideas and
paragraphs to create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of attention to
logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly
leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs
thought regarding the topic.
Essay structure target feedback:
The ideas were incoherent and unclear. Please use the resources belowby having a concrete thesis and outline to support your thesis, your paper will flow, make sense to the reader, and effectively present your case. Once you understand the anatomy of an academic paper, it will get easier and allow you to express your ideas.
Essay structure resources:
How to structure an essay
View Resource
features of academic writing
View Resource
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not necessary for
this submission.
Beginning
Sources do not follow a
documentation style (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are
not listed and/or work does not
appear original because citations
are not clear.
Developing
Sources meet the minimum
requirements for documentation
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
but is not always cited properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are documented
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
and appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are documented and
formatted following standard
practices of the field (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original and
appropriately cited.
Research/Citation target feedback:
Where was your work cited page? The intext citations looked fine, but then there was no info on your actual source.
Also, you didn't actually bring anything concrete to the paper. Your citations were used weakly on statements of opinion you already had expressed, rather than data or anything to support a claim, whatever that claim might be. It appears this is all filler and no actual research, and if that is how it came across to me, it is likely to come across the same to your instructor.
Research/Citation help resources:
Citation generator—just enter the info, and you will have a correct citation. This also does intext ones
View Resource
How to Format: Work Cited Page
View Resource
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and usage are very
noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.
Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in
punctuation affect the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar and usage are not
serious enough to distort the meaning but
may not be correct or accurately applied all
the time. Punctuation is random, and only
the easiest rules show awareness of
correct use.
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are good but do not
always add to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and
shows a good command for readability, but
not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are always correct
and enhance the writing clarity and style.
The punctuation is accurate, even creative,
and guides the reader through the text
easily.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Wordiness is often a product of trying to fill out a paper that lacks substance. Teachers and editors see through it, and the result is a mediocre paper and/or grade. Do more research, make more points, and then write concisely, eliminating any extra words/sentences that do not actively further your paper. Keep it clear and tothepoint.
Grammar/Mechanics help resources:
How to reduce wordiness
View Resource
Suggested revisions:
Some general tips: have a clear, concrete thesis in your first paragraph, and make sure everything you write supports your thesis USE the resources I provided and read/implement thoroughly eliminate unnecessary words/sentences, and replace vague or weak words with stronger more specific ones avoid unsubstantiated broad or allornone statements and Be Specific do more research, and then use that to form your own ideas to support your thesis
Specific notes: you missed every opportunity to explore the topic. There is nothing about the science, no data from other countries (or the US for that matter). Where is any detail on legal precedent or the constitution? What is the history of this issue? What are the main ethical/moral/legal arguments?
Your 24/7 Essay Drop Off Review Feedback
2) Developing Ideas: Welldeveloped and logical ideas
Beginning
Shows some thinking and reasoning but
most ideas are underdeveloped.
Developing
Content indicates thinking and reasoning
applied with original thought on a few
ideas.
Accomplished
Content indicates original thinking and
develops ideas with sufficient and firm
evidence.
Exemplary
Content indicates synthesis of ideas, in
depth analysis and evidences original
thought and support for the topic.
Essay Details
Submitted review on: 5/24/2022 4:42:14 PM
Reviewed by: Ilia M
Topic of essay: The Abortion Controversy leading to women resorting to unsafe methods of abortion.
Where are you in the writing process: I think I'm on track but ready for feedback
Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence construction
Presession Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF
1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not appear to be
relevant, is not clearly defined, or
lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement is present
and clear. The focal point is not
consistently maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the position,
premise, or hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the paper for the
most part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly and concisely
states the position, premise, or
hypothesis and is consistently the
focal point throughout the paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Where was the thesis?? Your thesis should be in the beginning of the paper with a clear, concise statement outlining your main point and primary subpoints. In your paper, it was unclear which was the thesis. Additionally, and perhaps because there was no central organization to the paper in the form of the thesis, the paper was disorganized and lacking in flow, cohesion, and/or any clear objective. See resources in links for help—once you know how to write a clear thesis, the rest of your paper will be much better, clearer, and more readable. It is also required in academic writing.
Even where it looked like you had one toward the end, you contradicted yourself multiple times. Consider starting over and using an outline before writing.
Thesis statement help resources:
What’s a thesis?
View Resource
Developing ideas target feedback:
There needs to be a logical progression of ideas for the reader to follow your thinking and research. Instead, you kept restating unimportant and subjective ideas while barely going beyond the surface or adding any useful info to support your points, when you had any to make. I strongly suggest starting over and doing more research. Even the items you cited added nothing new.
Also, avoid allornone statements or large claims about whole swaths of society. They’re almost never true and are generally impossible to substantiate, which results in discrediting your paper more generally. Be specific.
Developing ideas resources:
Developing ideas in writing (prewriting)
View Resource
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical organization. It shows
some coherence but ideas lack unity.
Developing
Writing is coherent and logically organized.
Some points remain misplaced and stray
from the topic. Transitions evident but not
used throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and logically organized
with transitions used between ideas and
paragraphs to create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of attention to
logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly
leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs
thought regarding the topic.
Essay structure target feedback:
The ideas were incoherent and unclear. Please use the resources belowby having a concrete thesis and outline to support your thesis, your paper will flow, make sense to the reader, and effectively present your case. Once you understand the anatomy of an academic paper, it will get easier and allow you to express your ideas.
Essay structure resources:
How to structure an essay
View Resource
features of academic writing
View Resource
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not necessary for
this submission.
Beginning
Sources do not follow a
documentation style (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are
not listed and/or work does not
appear original because citations
are not clear.
Developing
Sources meet the minimum
requirements for documentation
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
but is not always cited properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are documented
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
and appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are documented and
formatted following standard
practices of the field (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original and
appropriately cited.
Research/Citation target feedback:
Where was your work cited page? The intext citations looked fine, but then there was no info on your actual source.
Also, you didn't actually bring anything concrete to the paper. Your citations were used weakly on statements of opinion you already had expressed, rather than data or anything to support a claim, whatever that claim might be. It appears this is all filler and no actual research, and if that is how it came across to me, it is likely to come across the same to your instructor.
Research/Citation help resources:
Citation generator—just enter the info, and you will have a correct citation. This also does intext ones
View Resource
How to Format: Work Cited Page
View Resource
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and usage are very
noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.
Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in
punctuation affect the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar and usage are not
serious enough to distort the meaning but
may not be correct or accurately applied all
the time. Punctuation is random, and only
the easiest rules show awareness of
correct use.
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are good but do not
always add to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and
shows a good command for readability, but
not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are always correct
and enhance the writing clarity and style.
The punctuation is accurate, even creative,
and guides the reader through the text
easily.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Wordiness is often a product of trying to fill out a paper that lacks substance. Teachers and editors see through it, and the result is a mediocre paper and/or grade. Do more research, make more points, and then write concisely, eliminating any extra words/sentences that do not actively further y
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