How do you avoid the trap of imaging?

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As we have been studying Reiss’ Wheel Theory of Love, some loving relationships begin with Rapport and then move to Self-Revelation. The goal of self-revelation is to find out who someone really is…you target what you do not know! And, you want to know more about their “less than best self”. Otherwise, we may only see parts of someone that they want to show us…and we may very well develop love with an “image”.

Discussion Question 1: How do you avoid the trap of imaging? Identify 3 specific ways you can really learn about someone.

The next stage in the Wheel Theory of Love is Mutual Dependency. Based on the slides in Module 10 about Mutual Dependency, mutually dependent couples balance strong couple identity with a sense of individuality.

Discussion Question 2: How would YOU go about balancing a strong couple identity with a sense of individuality? Give 2 ways YOU would do this in a relationship. Be specific.

Intimacy vs. Imaging

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Intimacy vs. Imaging

Reiss’s first component of love is rapport. Rapport is a general good conversation you have with someone. You leave the conversation saying “We really clicked” or “We had a good talk”. Rapport peaks your interest. You both talk about things you enjoy or agree with. You talk about your similarities. But, rapport can be superficial. It’s not too deep. You both may like music, but you don’t go too far sharing personal information about yourself.

Thus, the second step in the Reiss’s development of love is “self-revelation”. This is the process where you feel comfortable sharing more about yourself with someone. You begin to disclose personal information with someone. BUT, do you always reveal your true self to someone? On the first date? On the second? One year later? Self-revelation is a critical process in developing love. It is the process by which we develop intimacy with someone (knowing someone on a deep level, developing a deep emotional connection). Take a look at the following video titled “Intimacy vs. Imaging” to learn about how self-revelation is not always as it seems.

Mutual Dependency

With Reiss’ Wheel Theory of Love, we mentioned Rapport (the initial connection you have with someone) and Self-Revelation (disclosing personal information about who truly are). The 3rd process in this development of love is “Mutual Dependency”. When the couple opens up about themselves, intimacy begins to develop and then the couple’s trust and reliance in one another is strengthened. This is a logical process: First you get to know the person, then you develop trust, then you strengthen reliance that this person will meet your legitimate needs.

There are 2 main tasks with mutual dependency: 1) Extinguish Competition, and 2) Invest in the Relationship. If you are conscious and aware, you can identify behaviors that indicate competition is extinguished and that each person is investing in the relationship.

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