ZG Rough draft correction

Hi i did a rough draft and need help correcting this. i will place under what my professor said this :

Promising start here & thoughtful argument. A few notes to help toward the final draft – Looks like the text of your draft is center-justified – this might just be an error, but essays should always be left-justified. No extra lines between paragraphs. Need a title that conveys to your reader what we can specifically expect from your essay & that draws us in & help your reader want to engage with it. Be sure to run your work through Grammarly to catch any typos/grammar issues – it's helpful both to identify potential issues and learn how to fix them. Intro starts abruptly into the central issue – it's not bad but you can set up the background context more thoroughly first before moving into your argument. Thesis statement provides a clear and substantive point, although the items after the semi-colon seem better suited for the body of your argument and feel a bit rushed for the intro. One point about the timeline for approval – this argument is often used to oppose the vaccine in general, but the timeline for the Covid-19 vaccine isn't comparable for two reasons – a) research on coronavirus vaccines has been underway for nearly two decades, since the outbreak of SARS in 2002 (keep in mind that the formal name for Covid-19 is "SARS-CoV-2" – meaning that it's similar and thus the research done previously is applicable to the novel coronavirus; and b) often a primary reason for the delay with vaccines is lack of enough volunteers, whereas there were plenty of volunteers immediately with this vaccine to be able to move forward quickly. Here's another useful explanation: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/safety/safety-of-vaccines.html#:~:text=Serious%20side%20effects%20that%20could,receiving%20a%20vaccine%20dose. This doesn't undermine your broader argument, since you're focusing on the effects on young children, which appear pretty much immediately – I just note this so that your argument doesn't get off track with the potential red herring about the short time frame of the virus, which is often used by people who are entirely anti-vaccine. I would just focus on those effects without bringing in the additional point about long-term effects, which are exceedingly unlikely. Conclusion provides a good start as a brief summary of your preceding argument but can more fully address the 'so what' part of conclusions – provide a few more sentences to show your reader why all this matters & what the broader implications/significance is. References page doesn't yet match APA formatting – be sure to carefully review the brief guide to APA formatting that I sent out earlier in the course, as well as the library's APA web page, and ensure that your references page matches formatting standards for your final draft. Overall you present a substantive & compelling argument. For what it's worth (as you likely know), the CDC and FDA are currently considering approving a smaller-dose vaccine for children ages 5 to 11, so it'd be interesting to consider whether that smaller dose will have the same concerns about side effects or whether it sufficiently reduces those effects to minimize risks. Since this is a persuasive essay, our primary focus is on anticipating the position of our target audience – what are their primary beliefs/concerns about this issue, and how we're addressing them to be persuasive to them. In this case, one concern is whether children are vectors of infection – that is, not that they're significantly at risk themselves, but that they can bring home the vaccine and infect family members and others who might be more at risk. You might consider that point in your own argument – again, not to say that children should be vaccinated, but how this would factor into your own position, perhaps in the conclusion, where you can suggest ways to limit the potential exposure that unvaccinated children present to others so that we continue to move forward. You probably saw from my announcement, but I've given everyone an extension through next Sunday to give enough time to work on drafts more fully. Happy to go over any part of this more fully, and looking forward to seeing the final product!