Implementing a revision
You’ve come a long way, but there’s still some work to be done! Revision is an important step of the writing process, so let’s take some time to discuss revision strategies and how we can use them at this stage in the writing process.
Before you begin, please review the discussion rubric below to make sure you fulfill all of the required tasks.
Let’s look over the current draft of your paper, and then, answer the following questions:
- First, looking over each section of the draft, in what area do you feel you did particularly well? What made it so strong, and how will you use these strengths in other sections of the draft that may need additional work?
- Second, which sections of your draft do you feel need further improvement? Why do you feel these sections need to be revised? Which peer or instructor feedback will you use during the revision process?
When you’re finished, post your initial response to the discussion boards. When responding to two peers, discuss their insights and offer additional tips and support, pulling from the readings and your own experiences as guidance. Remember, as with the peer workshop in Week 4, it’s important to be thorough and honest here.
Your response posts should be at least one fully developed paragraph (5-8 sentences) in length.
As with the first discussion, be sure to check back on this forum throughout the week to see what others have posted to your thread, and respond to questions and comments in an engaging manner. These posts will vary in length.
ENG 123 Discussion Rubric
Your active participation in the discussion forums is essential to your overall success this term. Discussion questions are designed to help you make meaningful connections between the course content and the larger concepts and goals of the course. These discussions offer you the opportunity to express your own thoughts, ask questions for clarification, and gain insight from your classmates’ responses and instructor’s guidance.
Requirements for Discussion Board Assignments
Students are required to post one initial post (1) and to follow up with at least two (2) response posts for each discussion board assignment.
For your initial post (1) you must:
- Compose a post that fully addresses the assignment prompt.
- In Module One, complete the initial post by Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time.
- In Module Six, complete the initial post by Thursday at 11:59 p.m. of your local time zone.
- Take into consideration material such as course content from the current module and previous modules, when appropriate.
For your response posts (2) you must:
- Reply to at least two different classmates outside of your own initial post thread.
- In Module One, complete the two response posts by Sunday at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time.
- In Module Six, complete the two response posts by Sunday at 11:59 p.m. of your local time zone.
Hello, all!
In reviewing my draft, I think that my introduction paragraph is the strongest:
“There are several ways to investigate new drugs. In vitro testing is testing that involves the use of things like cell lines, stem cells, and artificial testing methods done on a benchtop in a test tube, petri dish, or other similar artificial environment. In vivo testing is testing that involves the use of living animals. Although controversial, animal testing has contributed to the development of virtually every single drug and medical product on the market today. In fact, animal testing is so critical that it is a stipulation for any new drug applications submitted to the FDA ; this is because animal testing provides preclinical, or pre-human testing, data for the pharmacological, toxicological, and pharmacokinetic actions of drugs (9CFR, 2020). Although in vtiro testing for new drugs exists, animal testing is still necessary to safely bring new drugs to market.”
The introduction paragraph, to me, clearly explains the technical details needed to understand the thesis. In the writing workshop, a peer review suggested that I elaborate more on what “in vitro” and “in vivo” means, and I considered this advice when drafting the introductory paragraph.
The weakest link of the essay draft is the 2nd body paragraph describing one of the supportive arguments:
“Have you ever wondered if we really know what a drug does over the course of multiple generations? Well, I have wondered this, and I learned that- thanks to animal studies- we do know the effects of drugs over multiple generations. For example, animals, having a shorter life cycle than humans, allow us to observe the progression of disease across multiple generations (Stanford Medicine, 2021). This is an important feature of animal testing which can answer questions about preventative drugs for those with increased familial risk of developing diabetes, heart disease, or cancer. “
This paragraph is sort of dull. I can’t quite put my finger on what it lacks, but I think it lacks the specificity that the other supportive points have. I would like to find a precedent for observing animals over many generations, something more specific, to cite in this part of the essay.
ANOTHER STUDENT TO RESPOND
After reviewing my essay thoroughly I am now aware of the areas that I need improvement in as well areas that could use some more attention. As far as my strengths go, I feel as though my body paragraphs give a solid understanding as to what my argument is about. The articles I chose support my arguments and also give the perspective from an opposing viewpoint. However in order to support my points and make them more evidence based I need to put more direct citations after a summary,paraphrase, or quotation. My other weak points would be my opening paragraph and thesis statement. I think some revision in this area can only set up my persuasive essay for success. I plan on using feedback from my professor as well as multiple peers in order to get different perspectives on what I can do to enhance my writing.
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